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Saturday 30 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was freshening up my makeup in the car before a date. An old lady walked by and said through my open window, "Don't bother. There's no helping you, honey." FML

#20559530
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41495) - you deserved it (4392)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by f-ugly - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML

#20576526
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44646) - you deserved it (3686)

On 04/05/2013 at 6:58pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML

#20565452
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44008) - you deserved it (5086)

On 03/29/2013 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my little sister figured out how to use the printer. I came home to pictures of Nicolas Cage all over my room. FML

#20571278
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35719) - you deserved it (5640)

On 04/02/2013 at 5:22am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I realized how badly medical education has ruined me when I couldn't enjoy erotic literature because of one subtle anatomy mistake the author made. FML

#20565229
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40100) - you deserved it (8863)

On 03/29/2013 at 10:19am - intimacy - by notagyno - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML

#20572312
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38187) - you deserved it (3400)

On 04/02/2013 at 9:26pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I casually mentioned to my mom that my boyfriend of two years and I were thinking about moving in together. She looked me dead in the eye and said if I ever moved out, she'd throw me out of the house. I'm confused. FML

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

#20570299
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20091) - you deserved it (43913)

On 04/01/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Marco (man) - United States

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

#20569834
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49724) - you deserved it (3530)

On 04/01/2013 at 10:50am - love - by t.hughes (woman) - United States

Today, I was telling my aunt that I had achieved my blue belt in karate. Looking at my short hair, she says, "You're going to end up a lesbian." Thanks Aunt L. Love you too. FML

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

#20564779
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45974) - you deserved it (20790)

On 03/29/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She didn't say no, she didn't faint, and she didn't cry. She just stared at me blankly and said, "But... why...?" FML

#20566302
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46456) - you deserved it (3915) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/29/2013 at 9:29pm - love - by Badam - France (Aquitaine)



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