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Saturday 30 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my twelve year-old son thought it would be a good idea to relentlessly shoot the mail truck with a paintball gun in front of all the neighbors. FML

Today, after my boyfriend promised he wasn't cheating on me, I ran into him at our favorite coffee shop with the girl I suspected him of cheating with. When I confronted them, he acted like he didn't know me. FML

#20561087
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47707) - you deserved it (3896)

On 03/26/2013 at 3:04pm - love - by Megan - United States

Today, a blonde tourist came up to me and asked me for directions to the nearest train station. I politely directed her there, and she left. Five minutes later, she came back and slapped me for not bringing her to an "English-speaking station". We're in China, lady. FML

#20567861
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38913) - you deserved it (2587)

On 03/31/2013 at 2:19am - misc - by dumb tourists (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML

#20571304
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35012) - you deserved it (7594)

On 04/02/2013 at 6:30am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, a girl punched me square in the face, effectively leaving it with purple swellings because I called her boyfriend an "uncle". Said boyfriend IS my uncle. FML

#20571521
121 comments

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

#20577693
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52248) - you deserved it (12000)

On 04/06/2013 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by dating walter white's gf apparently (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML

#20560730
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48960) - you deserved it (6483)

On 03/26/2013 at 8:07am - intimacy - by SwinginSolo (woman) - United States

Today, my mom has forbidden me from drinking skim milk, because my sister is upset that I'm skinnier than her. The same sister who refuses to drink any other milk than 2% chocolate. FML

#20568813
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36895) - you deserved it (2435)

On 03/31/2013 at 6:27pm - misc - by jll14 (woman) - Malaysia (Sabah)

Today, my daughter got selected to pick music for a funeral. She only listens to Nikki Minaj. FML

#20560709
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35785) - you deserved it (5158)

On 03/26/2013 at 7:40am - kids - by bear - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, what started as a fun family Easter egg hunt turned within minutes into my mother-in-law's big chance to be a dramatic cow by screaming at my 5 and 7-year-old daughters for participating in a "vile pagan ritual" and saying that we're all going to hell. They're still bawling. FML

#20568650
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34513) - you deserved it (2279)

On 03/31/2013 at 4:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, it was my wedding day. Three people showed up. My mom, my dad, and the priest. FML

#20574279
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60255) - you deserved it (4457)

On 04/04/2013 at 2:46am - love - by nobodylovesme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

#20569678
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42906) - you deserved it (6072)

On 04/01/2013 at 7:57am - intimacy - by ohgodwhyyoufreaks (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boss threatened to fire me because of a tattoo I have. It's a small teddy bear on my leg with my parents' names on it. My workplace has no problems with tattoos, but my boss said it was "unoriginal and lame." It's a memorial tattoo; my parents died last year. FML

#20560852
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48652) - you deserved it (3031)

On 03/26/2013 at 10:54am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)



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