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Saturday 30 March 2013

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Today, I got a letter from Yale law school saying I got a 4 year full scholarship. I called my dad crying and read the whole thing... even the bottom, which said, "April fools! Love mom and dad." FML

by madiison09 / 04/01/2013 at 1:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

by nottoosmall / 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got dumped during sex. FML

by Bigfatfailure / 03/28/2013 at 6:02am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend, who moved in about a month ago, decided he wanted to move back out. Why? Because I don't keep my place clean enough for him. This, coming from the same man who refuses to wash or clean anything because "that's what women are for." FML

by ShouldBeSingleSoon / 03/26/2013 at 12:15am / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML

by Anonymous / 03/26/2013 at 8:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2013 at 5:17am / United States / Kids

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML

by holycommander / 03/26/2013 at 4:20pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom has forbidden me from drinking skim milk, because my sister is upset that I'm skinnier than her. The same sister who refuses to drink any other milk than 2% chocolate. FML

by jll14 / 03/31/2013 at 6:27pm / Malaysia (Sabah) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cousin is visiting from Oklahoma. He can't go a minute without saying "YOLO" or "Swag". He's going to be here for a week. FML

by fuck YOLO / 04/03/2013 at 1:20am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my husband taking a piss on our bedroom floor. I screamed that he wasn't in the bathroom, to which he responded, "Shut up! I'm taking a piss, let me finish!" He has no recollection of the event. Now I have to clean up his piss and rewash my clothes. FML

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2013 at 6:30am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML

by Evalynne / 04/06/2013 at 8:55am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, after my boyfriend promised he wasn't cheating on me, I ran into him at our favorite coffee shop with the girl I suspected him of cheating with. When I confronted them, he acted like he didn't know me. FML

by Megan / 03/26/2013 at 3:04pm / United States / Love