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Saturday 30 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

#20574621
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48677) - you deserved it (16724)

On 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm - intimacy - by Ribbed for Her Disaster (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML

#20574572
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44042) - you deserved it (3655)

On 04/04/2013 at 11:12am - misc - by NotASize0 (woman) - Denmark

Today, at the store, I noticed a girl eyeing a chocolate bunny. Her mom refused to buy it, saying they didn't have enough money. She started crying, so I decided to make her day and offered to buy it for her. Her mom reacted by slapping me across the face and calling me a "pedo." FML

#20576602
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43232) - you deserved it (7588)

On 04/05/2013 at 8:13pm - kids - by easteryegg (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear my "shit music" through my window during the afternoon, so I turned it off. They then began to play their definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blasted Nicki Minaj. FML

#20567871
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47054) - you deserved it (3353)

On 03/31/2013 at 2:24am - misc - by BornInTheWrongEra (woman) - United States

Today, a blonde tourist came up to me and asked me for directions to the nearest train station. I politely directed her there, and she left. Five minutes later, she came back and slapped me for not bringing her to an "English-speaking station". We're in China, lady. FML

#20567861
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34514) - you deserved it (2270)

On 03/31/2013 at 2:19am - misc - by dumb tourists (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70625) - you deserved it (6034)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

#20563680
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61597) - you deserved it (15546)

On 03/28/2013 at 11:11am - intimacy - by everyoneheard (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

#20573279
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37870) - you deserved it (5914)

On 04/03/2013 at 2:45pm - misc - by poop (man) -

Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML

#20568440
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28953) - you deserved it (4446)

On 03/31/2013 at 1:55pm - love - by immaturity all around (woman) - United States

Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML

#20572069
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19339) - you deserved it (59144)

On 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by SayCheese - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

#20573161
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30654) - you deserved it (13504)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by nottoosmall - United States

Today, I got dumped during sex. FML

#20563466
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59404) - you deserved it (7966)

On 03/28/2013 at 6:02am - intimacy - by Bigfatfailure (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

#20577178
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48898) - you deserved it (5422)

On 04/06/2013 at 7:42am - misc - by confusedcatlover (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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