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Friday 29 March 2013

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Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

by tkrause / 04/01/2013 at 1:17pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I found out I'm failing school. Why am I failing? Because I work 60 hours a week. Why do I work 60 hours a week? To pay for school. FML

by school issues / 03/28/2013 at 10:26am / United States / Work

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I wouldn't give her a new iPhone 5 for free to replace her broken Nokia, which she threw out the window in "blind rage". I felt awful having to thank her for calling. Sadly, this is a daily event. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2013 at 5:53pm / Netherlands (Friesland) / Work

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

by crunknasty / 03/30/2013 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was playing Draw Something with my girlfriend, when I decided to start a game with some other people. She immediately accused me of "cheating" on her, and still refuses to talk to me. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2013 at 2:14pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Love

Today, my Jewish boyfriend came over for my extended family's Easter party. My grandmother made fun of him for being Jewish so badly, that he left, crying. She doesn't see what she did wrong. FML

by aabadaba / 04/01/2013 at 1:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was freshening up my makeup in the car before a date. An old lady walked by and said through my open window, "Don't bother. There's no helping you, honey." FML

by f-ugly / 03/25/2013 at 2:36pm / United States / Love

Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that for some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except for four, and they are doing their best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML

by Mr.no contacts / 03/31/2013 at 3:00am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was late to a lecture when I tripped up the stairs. With a few hundred people already staring and laughing at me, I started to curtsy to my "adoring fans" but instead fell backwards down the massive flight of stairs. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2013 at 2:03am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

by sarajj / 03/29/2013 at 5:36pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my cat learned how to open doors. Ever since then she's been running up to my room, opening my door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML

by Apes / 03/25/2013 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2013 at 4:56pm / France (Champagne-Ardenne) / Work

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML

by Anonymous / 04/05/2013 at 6:58pm / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Love