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Friday 15 March 2013

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Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2013 at 6:28am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, due to a flat tire, I only had 20 minutes to complete a 35 minute walk to catch my train. I ended up sprinting up the snow-covered frozen hill in heels, luggage in hand, only to arrive 1 minute in time, and to find out that the train had been cancelled. Next train in 1 hour. FML

Today, I tried to go to my Hotmail account on my boyfriend's computer. When I typed in "hot", a big history list came down. It was all "Hot single mom looking for a good lay" Craigslist ads. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2013 at 1:19am / United States / Love

Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML

by Kimberpoo / 03/14/2013 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I spent an entire raffle game desperately praying that I'd lose miserably, just so I wouldn't have to go up on stage and accept it. FML

Today, I found a purse in the school bathroom. When I looked inside, there was an iPod along with some other expensive stuff in it. I took it to the office so the right owner would get it back. The owner passed me in the hall on the way there; she freaked out and punched me in the face. FML

by really? / 03/20/2013 at 12:55am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my mom about the rough time I'm having over my recent break-up, and how I can't help thinking about my ex every single day. Her attempt to console me involved saying, "Pft. I bet he doesn't think about you every day" and walking away. Thanks. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2013 at 2:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML

by marisacb / 03/13/2013 at 2:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML

by Anonymous / 03/17/2013 at 3:09pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2013 at 10:03am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wants to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2013 at 7:32pm / Ireland / Kids

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2013 at 6:21pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML

by nomorecleaning / 03/16/2013 at 8:17am / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous