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Friday 15 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

#20550602
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52167) - you deserved it (23208)

On 03/19/2013 at 8:31am - intimacy - by fredo (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I advised my daughter to not drink a Coke before bed. She smiled at me and reassured me that it could be balanced out with sleeping pills. I'm raising a future drug addict. FML

#20547328
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36285) - you deserved it (7259)

On 03/17/2013 at 6:25am - kids - by hejdixjeln - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally got a tattoo of an alchemy symbol that I've wanted for years. I also found out later that symbol stands for urine. FML

#20539190
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9911) - you deserved it (49138)

On 03/11/2013 at 3:43am - misc - by PeeLeg (woman) -

Today, I was at the library doing research for my midterm. All of the computers were in use, so I decided to use my laptop instead. Ten minutes later, I was confronted and kicked out. My offense? Unauthorized use of the library's so-called "Free Public WiFi". FML

#20540861
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38273) - you deserved it (3046)

On 03/12/2013 at 3:03pm - misc - by PhailedMidterm (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months. It all started while I was in the hospital, he says, because we were supposed to go out that day, but then I "had to go and get sick". He blames my emergency surgery for his infidelity. FML

#20547926
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40930) - you deserved it (3026)

On 03/17/2013 at 4:12pm - love - by need an appendickectomy (woman) - Finland

Today, I woke up with a giant red rash all over my face, so puffed up that I could hardly open my eyes. The doctor said it was probably from some of the compounds found in most makeup. I'm just getting into theatre and have auditions coming up. FML

#20549343
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33505) - you deserved it (3844)

On 03/18/2013 at 2:42pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after six months of writing a 40 page paper criticizing a famous method, I found out the professor who conceived it has transferred to my favorite college to head the department I'm applying to study in. They require I submit the paper with my application. FML

#20548512
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35280) - you deserved it (4783)

On 03/17/2013 at 11:09pm - work - by GeoKid (man) - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML

#20542666
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37170) - you deserved it (5652)

On 03/13/2013 at 10:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

#20543433
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51655) - you deserved it (10183)

On 03/14/2013 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, due to a flat tire, I only had 20 minutes to complete a 35 minute walk to catch my train. I ended up sprinting up the snow-covered frozen hill in heels, luggage in hand, only to arrive 1 minute in time, and to find out that the train had been cancelled. Next train in 1 hour. FML

Today, I learned that if not for my grandfather gifting my dad $200, I would have been named Anthrax. FML

#20552804
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34952) - you deserved it (2722)

On 03/20/2013 at 9:11pm - misc - by cheeseburglar_9000 (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I tried to go to my Hotmail account on my boyfriend's computer. When I typed in "hot", a big history list came down. It was all "Hot single mom looking for a good lay" Craigslist ads. FML

#20540391
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34904) - you deserved it (3976)

On 03/12/2013 at 1:19am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML

#20543064
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31242) - you deserved it (5408)

On 03/14/2013 at 2:21am - health - by Kimberpoo (woman) - United States (California)



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