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Friday 15 March 2013

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Today, I finally got to meet my boyfriend's parents; it turns out that his mum is my therapist. I've just spent an entire morning telling her how confused I am about my sexuality. FML

by me / 03/21/2013 at 6:25am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML

by OptimusVader / 03/13/2013 at 9:36am / United States / Intimacy

Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2013 at 10:16pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML

by WetWalking / 03/21/2013 at 9:31am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, of the two IDs I possess, I handed the cop that pulled me over the fake one. FML

by Anonymous / 03/16/2013 at 10:58am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that if not for my grandfather gifting my dad $200, I would have been named Anthrax. FML

by cheeseburglar_9000 / 03/20/2013 at 9:11pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I spent an entire raffle game desperately praying that I'd lose miserably, just so I wouldn't have to go up on stage and accept it. FML

Today, I advised my daughter to not drink a Coke before bed. She smiled at me and reassured me that it could be balanced out with sleeping pills. I'm raising a future drug addict. FML

by hejdixjeln / 03/17/2013 at 6:25am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I was at the library doing research for my midterm. All of the computers were in use, so I decided to use my laptop instead. Ten minutes later, I was confronted and kicked out. My offense? Unauthorized use of the library's so-called "Free Public WiFi". FML

by PhailedMidterm / 03/12/2013 at 3:03pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

by forever single, I guess / 03/15/2013 at 6:43pm / United States / Love

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months. It all started while I was in the hospital, he says, because we were supposed to go out that day, but then I "had to go and get sick". He blames my emergency surgery for his infidelity. FML

by need an appendickectomy / 03/17/2013 at 4:12pm / Finland / Love

Today, I woke up with a giant red rash all over my face, so puffed up that I could hardly open my eyes. The doctor said it was probably from some of the compounds found in most makeup. I'm just getting into theatre and have auditions coming up. FML

by Anonymous / 03/18/2013 at 2:42pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, after six months of writing a 40 page paper criticizing a famous method, I found out the professor who conceived it has transferred to my favorite college to head the department I'm applying to study in. They require I submit the paper with my application. FML

by GeoKid / 03/17/2013 at 11:09pm / Canada / Work