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Friday 1 March 2013

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Today, I'm so poor that I've been scrounging around my house all day trying to find quarters and dimes so that I can buy myself a cup of coffee tomorrow. FML

by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 3:39am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Money

Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML

by stabbed with kindness / 03/02/2013 at 4:44pm / Russian Federation (Moskva) / Money

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he didn't trust himself not to cheat on me. What? FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 7:02am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML

by thecatlady / 02/27/2013 at 2:12am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals

Today, instead of actually teaching us something, our college professor excitedly showed us the godawful Harlem Shake video he made with his friends. FML

by Will this stupid fad ever end? / 03/06/2013 at 6:51am / United States / Work

Today, I was fired from my job for breaking my company's tattoo policy. I have a small scar on my wrist that roughly resembles a heart. My boss insists that it's one of those white ink tattoos. No one will believe me. FML

by crap / 03/07/2013 at 3:17am / United States / Work

Today, I came home from a rough day working two jobs to find a plate of cookies on my desk with a note from my roommates saying, "You deserve it!" I happily broke one in half to eat and discovered they contained coconut. I'm allergic to coconut, a fact both of my roommates are aware of. FML

by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 12:44am / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, I asked my boyfriend where he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No, I mean at Wendy's. You know, the hot girl from work?" FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2013 at 12:36pm / United States / Love

Today, my teacher read my story about a haunted house for a class assignment. She liked it very much and turned it in to the office to be sent into a state writing competition. An hour later, I was called to the office where the guidance counselor called my work "disturbing" and said I "need help". FML

by Anonymous / 03/08/2013 at 6:29am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

by Frostbitten / 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend asked me, "Are you sure you're a guy?" I still have no idea what that was for. FML

by Ihatemylife / 03/03/2013 at 7:17am / Slovenia (Bohinj) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my mom has linked my iPhone with her iPad and has been secretly reading my texts. FML

by segal1010 / 02/27/2013 at 7:27pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, despite the fact of being together two years, and having a daughter, my fiancée still refuses to tell her parents about us. We're getting married in six months. FML

by OhNo / 03/02/2013 at 8:31am / United States (Virginia) / Love