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Sunday 3 February 2013

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Today, as I was leaving for my chemistry exam, I stepped on one of the countless sheets of chemistry notes that littered the floor following last night's studying. I managed to slip and knock myself out in my own living room. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2013 at 2:50am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home and set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, and she was still sleeping on my bed. FML

by akasoor / 02/10/2013 at 8:51pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I got left in the middle of slow dancing with a girl I liked. She came back and said, "Sorry, I had to make sure the guy I really like knows that I don't like you." FML

by Greg / 02/10/2013 at 11:01pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I received a birthday present from a friend. It was the very same gift I gave to her for Christmas. FML

by thrifty gone wrong / 01/28/2013 at 12:24pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother "checked in" to rehab on Facebook. The same rehab that told her to hand over her smartphone. The dumbass was smart enough to steal my phone and dumb enough to get it confiscated. FML

by motherless / 01/29/2013 at 10:18pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2013 at 11:44pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML

by Angry Mob / 02/01/2013 at 1:09am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

by facepalm / 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML

by shaviTuT / 02/07/2013 at 2:44pm / Malaysia (Johor) / Animals

Today, I finally found the courage to ask a guy I like out for a drink. He accepted, we drank, and when it came time to go home, I half-drunkenly left him my number. Once I got back home, I realized I'd actually given him my dad's number instead. FML

by 3some? uh, no / 02/01/2013 at 2:59pm / Dominican Republic / Love

Today, I spun off the road and into a ditch. The insurance company told me I'd have to wait an hour, as they had other cars to tow first. I had to pee so badly that I resorted to using the only thing I had in my car: a plastic bag. That's when I got a knock on my window from the tow truck driver. FML

by merp. / 02/02/2013 at 1:57am / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation

Today, my roommate found an eviction notice on our door for unpaid rent. Our apartment building caught fire and we haven't been living there for well over a month because it was legally unlivable. Today was our first day back. FML

by fireenginemad / 02/10/2013 at 1:08am / United States (Washington) / Money

Today, I tripped while walking down a large flight of stairs. As I fell forward, I instinctively reached out and grabbed onto one of the guys walking up. I ended up taking him and two other people down with me, earning myself a great many disgusted glares as I dusted myself off. FML

by Awkward / 02/01/2013 at 5:53pm / United Kingdom (Wolverhampton) / Health