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Saturday 23 August 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it's the 16th day of my period. FML

#21241406
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53639) - you deserved it (3611)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:15am - health - by BagelTheOtaku (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend of three weeks found the engagement ring I tried to give to my ex. She started crying and said yes. FML

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38069) - you deserved it (13638)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML

#21241143
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37428) - you deserved it (5309)

On 08/19/2014 at 6:30pm - kids - by Xbieblette51 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML

#21241880
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35273) - you deserved it (5932)

On 08/20/2014 at 6:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

#21240323
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35851) - you deserved it (7343) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/18/2014 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Degueusement (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37971) - you deserved it (13970)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

#21240900
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21589) - you deserved it (40375)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)

Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML

#21240389
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36843) - you deserved it (3990)

On 08/18/2014 at 8:10am - kids - by I hate children - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML

#21242605
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31797) - you deserved it (3751)

On 08/21/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, my boss decided our 4 year relationship was unethical, so she broke up with me, then terminated my employment. FML

#21242835
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28727) - you deserved it (3953)

On 08/21/2014 at 11:53pm - love - by flyakite - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me pictures of him and his family on their trip in Florida. He accidentally included a picture of a random girl sleeping in his bed, naked. FML

#21242918
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33495) - you deserved it (2257)

On 08/22/2014 at 2:02am - love - by lolatmylife - United States

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36038) - you deserved it (5086)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States



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