Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Saturday 23 May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

#21413959
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17925) - you deserved it (1625)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:17am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to my roommates "pet" snake casually lying in bed with me. I then got yelled at for screaming and scaring the snake. Apparently, it's my fault that it bit my chin. FML

Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML

#21413610
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23572) - you deserved it (2119)

On 05/21/2015 at 4:41pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

#21413854
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17751) - you deserved it (1961)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:55am - intimacy - by zzarzzur (man) - United States (California)

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

#21412477
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24141) - you deserved it (8657)

On 05/19/2015 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML

#21412861
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22894) - you deserved it (3571)

On 05/20/2015 at 1:34am - misc - by KittKatt (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML

#21413860
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10737) - you deserved it (12271)

On 05/22/2015 at 3:36am - health - by missko519 (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

#21412440
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26991) - you deserved it (2879)

On 05/19/2015 at 7:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, was my first experience having sex. It was also my first experience with a condom breaking. FML

#21413990
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12872) - you deserved it (1443)

On 05/22/2015 at 12:27pm - intimacy - by Vexatious - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

#21411971
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28070) - you deserved it (2734)

On 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

#21412970
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18579) - you deserved it (16054)

On 05/20/2015 at 10:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, a new employee started at our office. She's about 18, barely does any work, chews gum loudly, has no manners, and happens to sit right next to me. She also threatens to report me for harassment whenever I politely ask her to not bash my chair with the back of her chair. FML

#21413003
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24299) - you deserved it (1752)

On 05/20/2015 at 12:17pm - work - by Anonymous - Cyprus (Paphos)

Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM or anything like that, it's just in case she gets bored and wants me to stop. FML

#21412386
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25665) - you deserved it (4039)

On 05/19/2015 at 2:45am - intimacy - by username - United Kingdom (Surrey)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: