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Wednesday 22 October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I came out as bisexual to my friends via group message. They didn't respond; I had a panic attack. An hour later, one of my friends texted back, "k". FML

Today, I lost my laptop, but I have my old childhood computer to use. It's password-protected, and the hint to the password is "meaner than Hera." I haven't been into Greek mythology since I was a kid, and if anything, this computer has just shown me how dumb I've gotten over the years. FML

#21282844
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14142) - you deserved it (2634)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by HeckIfIKnow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

#21281604
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29015) - you deserved it (2270)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:28am - intimacy - by bye loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML

Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML

#21282362
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24296) - you deserved it (1786)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of 'setting her off', when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks". All I did was say the word 'abortion'. FML

#21281594
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25980) - you deserved it (4674)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:31am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

#21282365
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26423) - you deserved it (2350)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by youngboob (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

#21282479
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21060) - you deserved it (2446)

On 10/21/2014 at 4:13pm - misc - by Airplane crap - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

#21282367
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25168) - you deserved it (5054)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26123) - you deserved it (7552)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my sister ended her long and extremely annoying crush on Justin Bieber. I can only hope one day my girlfriend will end hers too. FML

#21282066
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23507) - you deserved it (2578)

On 10/20/2014 at 10:29pm - love - by DanTheMan (man) -

Today, as my boyfriend left my house, I gave him a long, tight hug. So tight that he threw up. FML



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