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April 2016

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Today, I have always been terrified of stinkbugs. As I was cleaning out my horse trailer, I looked up and saw a stinkbug. In my startled attempt to turn around and run, I tripped, fell into an old plastic bin. I landed face first into a nice little pile of dead stinkbugs. FML

by mmaarrrggoo / 04/03/2016 at 11:19pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was let go from an unpaid internship. The reasons cited was that I seemed unhappy at work. No, that's just my face. FML

by myworstday / 04/04/2016 at 9:36pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, I was eating an onion bagel and bit down on something hard. At first I thought was a really hard piece of onion. The "onion" turned out to be a tooth, and it wasn't one of mine. FML

by empress gleskizor the third of glarkon / 04/18/2016 at 2:12pm / Hungary (Budapest) / Miscellaneous

Today, I celebrated my friend's birthday. While everyone was completely wasted, a couple of friends suggested that I throw a pie in the birthday boy's face. Only seconds after doing so did I realize that the centre of the pie had still been burning hot, since he screamed in agony. FML

by UnluckyLatina / 04/21/2016 at 11:30pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML

by hotmess / 04/24/2016 at 11:49pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I seriously considered stepping in front of a car so that I could miss a few days of work. FML

by CANTTAKEMORE / 04/26/2016 at 6:24pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work

Today, I tried to impress a girl I like by sliding down the rails of our school's stairs. My foot got snagged and I ended up with a broken ankle. FML

by brandogg / 04/27/2016 at 5:33am / United States (New Mexico) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I met my downstairs neighbor after she repeatedly banged on my floor as a way to quiet me down. I guess I'm not allowed to walk on my floor. FML

Today, I spent hours putting together a beautifully intricate jigsaw to give to my grandmother, who likes to frame them and hang them on her wall. Just as I was about to finish it, I discovered my dog chewing the last piece. FML

by Anonymous / 04/06/2016 at 4:34am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Animals

Today, I got a text from a call girl. She asked me to delete her number because I am too demanding. FML

by titkip / 04/01/2016 at 8:30pm / Kenya (Nairobi Area) / Intimacy

Today, I'm on vacation and stupidly bought the cheapest sunblock I could find. Instead of protecting my skin, the sunblock acted as a damn lightning rod for the sun, and I now look like I just spent a few hours on a spit-roast. FML

by Anonymous / 04/06/2016 at 1:48pm / United States (Arizona) / Holidays

Today, all of the long hours I've spent rehearsing paid off because tonight I'll be the lead at the opening show of my school musical. This is a dream come true. Too bad I just got bronchitis. FML

by Belle / 04/08/2016 at 2:11pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, my boyfriend said he was no longer sexually attracted to me. He then followed that with, "But don't worry, it's not because you're fat." FML

by notjustfat / 04/20/2016 at 7:24pm / United States / Love