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April 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my boyfriend when he started squeezing me as if I were a ketchup bottle. He said he wanted my period to end quicker, and he honestly thought that would work. FML

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

#21393477
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24184) - you deserved it (3519)

On 04/14/2015 at 11:08am - health - by howaboutthemcarrots - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I picked up a rock outside and put it in my pocket because it looked cool. A teacher holding the door open stopped me and sent me to the principal. I was confused and asked the teacher why the strict action. She replied that someone has been putting rocks in the toilet. I got a detention. FML

#21386851
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28330) - you deserved it (2507)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:08am - misc - by overreacting - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had a date over for the first time since I moved out. I made a beautiful dinner… for one of us. I'm so used to cooking for just myself that I only made one serving. FML

#21387713
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26680) - you deserved it (9406)

On 04/04/2015 at 8:44pm - love - by :/ - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML

#21391716
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32371) - you deserved it (2471)

On 04/11/2015 at 8:12am - animals - by Crappy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I heard my 2-year-old sister crying, so I left my room to comfort her. She looked at me, held my hand, escorted me back to my room and closed the door. FML

#21392817
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28861) - you deserved it (2575)

On 04/13/2015 at 6:46am - kids - by transcendingnerd (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I was called a fascist and accused of being "racist" against poor people, all because some crazy meth-mouthed bitch couldn't afford some booze and expected me to cut the price by almost 40% so she could. FML

#21392314
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26561) - you deserved it (1849)

On 04/12/2015 at 11:18am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was so sleep-deprived, I thought a white car driving toward me was a polar bear. I screamed like a little girl and started panicking. I live in California. FML

#21396178
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20668) - you deserved it (5427)

On 04/19/2015 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, after getting a pay raise at work after 15 years and pulling a loan for a new house, I went back to work from a two-week paid vacation to find out that I had been fired two weeks ago for "no call, no show". My manager claims he doesn't recall ever signing a paper for my paid vacation. FML

Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML

#21393386
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28292) - you deserved it (3028)

On 04/14/2015 at 4:33am - intimacy - by Lebac - United States (Washington)

Today, I took my 2 year old to the potty in a public restroom. I was just about to set her on the toilet when the automatic flush went off, scaring her and causing her to pee all over both of us. FML

#21394708
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27824) - you deserved it (2348)

On 04/16/2015 at 2:36pm - kids - by klutz44 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to give a presentation at school about King Richard III. I realized too late that someone had changed his name to "King Dick" on all the slides. My little sister later broke into hysterics and confessed this had been her April Fool's prank. FML

#21386448
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27602) - you deserved it (2485)

On 04/02/2015 at 10:21am - misc - by King.Dick. (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML

#21387075
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24700) - you deserved it (3289)

On 04/03/2015 at 3:05pm - misc - by HtotheFtotheS - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)



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Friday 17 April 2015

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