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September 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

#21259401
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37758) - you deserved it (3327)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML

#21261267
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35915) - you deserved it (3428)

On 09/19/2014 at 1:58pm - misc - by TuT (woman) - France

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

#21260160
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33435) - you deserved it (3851)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I watched with mild confusion as a piece of paper tucked underneath my windshield wiper flapped around on the highway. What could it be? Surely not a parking ticket. Powerless, I watched it fly away. It must have been the insurance information for the person who swiped the back of my car. FML

Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

#21267195
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23200) - you deserved it (3235)

On 09/28/2014 at 6:55pm - love - by superman21 - Ireland

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

#21261392
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38397) - you deserved it (3551)

On 09/19/2014 at 6:38pm - health - by tbree - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

#21257305
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36073) - you deserved it (2963)

On 09/13/2014 at 2:56am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

#21251173
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34136) - you deserved it (4517)

On 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I received a package in the mail. It was a workout and weight-loss plan that I ordered last week. I finished an entire pizza and pint of ice-cream as I read the guidelines. FML

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up. He greeted me with a winning smile, a belch, and the words, "Nice tits." I'm beginning to lose hope. FML

#21265612
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30326) - you deserved it (2801)

On 09/26/2014 at 2:56am - love - by bri_sci94 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, a guy tried to pick me up with the line, "You're ugly. Just kidding. You're my date." FML

Today, I found my son trying to comb his hair with scissors. He's the same kid who thought that if he ate toothpaste, he would never have to brush his teeth again. FML

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend. He said it was because he lived 2 hours away, but I think the ultrasound photos his other girlfriend posted proudly on his Facebook wall are the real reason. FML

#21260092
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41597) - you deserved it (3701)

On 09/17/2014 at 3:48pm - love - by kitkat (woman) - United States



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