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August 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

#21243189
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21224) - you deserved it (36309)

On 08/22/2014 at 2:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML

#21240451
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38665) - you deserved it (3519)

On 08/18/2014 at 11:13am - kids - by Stellarum (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, as I awoke, the sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, and police sirens were wailing at a drug bust next door. FML

#21234535
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38211) - you deserved it (3123)

On 08/11/2014 at 1:11am - misc - by Ithoughtheywerenormalpeople (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband wanted me to take a sleeping pill before having sex with me. Apparently I'm better in bed while half-asleep. FML

#21238124
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38390) - you deserved it (4973)

On 08/15/2014 at 11:22am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - China (Shanghai)

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

#21234388
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34180) - you deserved it (3040)

On 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by weirded out (man) - United States (California)

Today, while taking out the trash, I swung the bag back and forth, which caused it to slide across my leg. An opened aluminum can inside the bag ended up slicing through my calf, causing heavy bleeding. Baked beans sent me to the hospital. FML

Today, I asked for time off from work for my wedding and honeymoon. A grand total of three days. My boss made a face like he'd sucked on rancid toes and asked me if I was stupid. Awesome. FML

#21237232
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38940) - you deserved it (2745)

On 08/14/2014 at 3:15am - work - by BrokeBride (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, a guy in my class was talking about himself. He started his story with, "When I was little, I was a ginger." I replied without thinking, "Is that why you got put up for adoption?" Him being adopted was the actual story he wanted to tell. FML

#21246134
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17930) - you deserved it (37840)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML

#21234068
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32984) - you deserved it (8386)

On 08/10/2014 at 2:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, my butt decided to delete the 650 photos I had on my phone. FML

#21247514
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28675) - you deserved it (5518)

On 08/28/2014 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my doctor wasn't kidding when he said "sudden diarrhea may occur" with my new medication. I learned this while walking my dog a mile away from my house. FML

Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML

#21230826
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35768) - you deserved it (3834)

On 08/06/2014 at 9:34am - animals - by Baustigt - Australia

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said "nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

#21247278
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30399) - you deserved it (2341)

On 08/28/2014 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Portugal



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