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October 2016

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Today, I told my boyfriend the exact moment I fell in love with him: when we made eye contact in a crowd on our fifth date. He asked if I wanted to know what he was thinking at that moment. I then found out it was, "I really hope she can't smell that fart." FML

by saashtow / 10/07/2016 at 1:00am / United States (Georgia) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband brought me breakfast in bed. Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful and love him even more for the thought. But the only problem with breakfast in bed is that you have to eat what they bring you, even if it's bad. FML

by B.B / 10/07/2016 at 10:03am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, we have a fruit fly infestation again because my roommate keeps buying fruit and letting it rot on the counter. Despite the moldy fruit being covered in flies, she insists it's my fault because I left an empty bottle of beer out. FML

by lily_marleen / 10/24/2016 at 8:58am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by getting his mum to message me on Facebook. I got the message while I was packing for an overseas trip to visit him. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2016 at 7:12am / Australia (Tasmania) / Love

Today, I explained to my boss what clickbait is and why it's bad practice to use it when writing online. After my explanation, she ordered me to go ahead with it, saying it's "exactly what we need". This person is the marketing communications director for a major multinational company. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2016 at 7:35am / Work

Today, at the register, I got a spontaneous nose bleed. The lady behind the counter apparently didn't do well with blood. Her face turned white, she passed out and fell with her head on the counter. FML

by Kay / 10/20/2016 at 6:37am / Work

Today, I accidentally shut the door on someone who was walking behind me. After he opened the door, I turned, looked him sincerely in the eye and said, "Suffering". I meant to say sorry. FML

by Crawlinginmymemes / 10/02/2016 at 2:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today my boyfriend and I broke up. It was a mutual decision but I was curious as to what he thought went wrong. "I was just never sure if you brushed your teeth regularly." He cheated on me twice. FML

by cannotexplain / 10/04/2016 at 10:43am / Australia / Love

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my boss why the flowers I got her for her birthday the other day were in the conference room and not her office. She told me she was allergic to them and she had such a bad reaction that it made her go home early. I made my boss sick on her birthday. FML

by onlyolivia / 10/05/2016 at 10:43am / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I called in about a job application I put in over a week ago. Apparently, the branch of the company that I applied to was never given my information, and the position was filled days ago. I've been checking the status of the position online daily, and it still says that it's open. FML

by PhantomKitty / 10/20/2016 at 11:07pm / United States (West Virginia) / Work

Today, without thinking, I casually advised my mum that the best way to get the piping nozzle clean is to 'fingerfuck' it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2016 at 4:31am / Intimacy

Today, while at my job as a lifeguard, a little girl got stuck in the shower cubicle because the lock wouldn't open. To get her out, I had to lift the door off the hinges and swing it open, a fairly safe procedure. The hinges broke, though, and I ended up hitting the girl with the door. FML

by caitywebbkid / 10/09/2016 at 7:36am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I started packing up the flat I have been renting. As I took a picture off the wall I also ripped half the wallpaper. That's my deposit gone. FML

by scottyboy / 10/01/2016 at 3:58am / Money