Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML

#21101967
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35560) - you deserved it (9474)

On 04/01/2014 at 3:21pm - love - by someone (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I went to a restaurant for a friend's birthday. There were two very attractive waiters. They waited until I went to the toilet to sit down, talk to my friends and hit on them. They promptly left upon my return. Men avoid me. FML

Today, I had to show a new student around my school. Normally, that wouldn't be such a bad thing, but the student was my crazy, overly-attached ex. I transferred schools to get away from her in the first place. FML

#21108356
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40031) - you deserved it (2835)

On 04/09/2014 at 8:37am - misc - by not_this_shit_again (man) - Singapore

Today, I was given a call home, a 3-day-suspension, and a week of detention in school for a "serious violation of the code of conduct." Said violation? Jogging in the middle of the hall. FML

#21107042
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34839) - you deserved it (3675)

On 04/07/2014 at 7:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while on a first date, I had to excuse myself to the restroom. I was still tired from pulling an all-nighter, and fell asleep on the toilet. When I woke up and rushed back out, my date was gone. Everyone now thinks I'm an arsehole who pulled the old "window escape" trick on her. FML

#21106078
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38272) - you deserved it (10674)

On 04/06/2014 at 5:07pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML

#21108665
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34738) - you deserved it (5484)

On 04/09/2014 at 5:12pm - intimacy - by damn (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML

#21110183
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35701) - you deserved it (4855)

On 04/11/2014 at 9:48am - misc - by brodinn (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, after ten years, our sewing machine broke. My mom tried to return it back to the store she bought it from. FML

#21115731
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24178) - you deserved it (2055)

On 04/17/2014 at 7:24pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML

#21106207
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40277) - you deserved it (2704)

On 04/06/2014 at 8:20pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I handed in the answer sheet an hour into a 3-hour long exam because I couldn't answer most of the questions. Now, everyone thinks I'm genius because I "finished" quickly and they want me to tutor them. FML

#21113382
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31895) - you deserved it (9267)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:35am - work - by idontknowwhatiamdoing (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

#21107872
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38812) - you deserved it (8225)

On 04/08/2014 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by that girl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

#21104869
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40749) - you deserved it (2566)

On 04/05/2014 at 12:04am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, after a dental appointment, my lips were numb. On the bus on my way back home, the cutest girl smiled at me. In attempt to smile back, I forgot my lips were numb and ended up spitting my chewing gum at her. I had to switch buses. FML

#21112602
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37433) - you deserved it (4509)

On 04/14/2014 at 6:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Malta



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: