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September 2014

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Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

#21258820
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31140) - you deserved it (3318)

On 09/15/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I got a call about a job interview, saying I was hired. I was ecstatic, until they called me back and said they'd called the wrong applicant. They called again later, saying there'd been a mistake and I really was hired. When I went in to confirm it, they said they'd never heard of me. FML

#21252552
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44683) - you deserved it (2479)

On 09/05/2014 at 6:02pm - work - by almost governmental (woman) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)

Today, I finally got to watch some porn after not being able to for a while. All I could notice in the video was how badly the participants were playing snooker. FML

#21250464
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26949) - you deserved it (6798)

On 09/02/2014 at 11:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I work at a bakery. As I was putting out some cakes with fruit on top of them, a customer asked me how we get the little hairs to stay on the raspberries, and if we glue them on. FML

#21249886
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32809) - you deserved it (2779)

On 09/01/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by s0728 - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend convinced my 4-year-old sister that girls don't poop. She won't stop crying and now thinks she's a freak. FML

#21260556
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27475) - you deserved it (2639)

On 09/18/2014 at 9:16am - kids - by Anonymous - Kenya

Today, it's my birthday, and everyone, family and friends, forgot. Except my dog who left me a present on my bed. FML

#21253357
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37422) - you deserved it (2513)

On 09/06/2014 at 11:06pm - animals - by Meowit (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I bought a large ice cream cake. No, there's no occasion, but I did ask the cashier to write "Happy Birthday" on it, just so she wouldn't know I was going to eat it all myself. FML

#21252624
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31909) - you deserved it (9138)

On 09/05/2014 at 8:13pm - misc - by tbee - United States (Illinois)

Today, I tried to pull the old "bucket of water above the door" prank on my brother, but the bucket didn't fall when he opened the door. He noticed it, took it down, then pinned me to the floor and waterboarded me with the ice-cold water. FML

#21252533
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15445) - you deserved it (35434)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan)

Today, it was report card day at swimming lessons. Because it was the last day, a little girl brought me flowers. She was the only kid in that class who didn't pass. FML

#21251459
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39194) - you deserved it (3368)

On 09/03/2014 at 9:31pm - work - by anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was checking out of a hotel when I saw some complementary mints. They weren't mints. They were glass beads. FML

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

#21252700
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42962) - you deserved it (2587)

On 09/05/2014 at 10:36pm - work - by crop circle galore - United States

Today, my roommate came back from camping. My toothbrush magically reappeared as well. FML

#21250056
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34643) - you deserved it (2797)

On 09/01/2014 at 9:53pm - health - by germophobe (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML

#21260699
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22978) - you deserved it (3798)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:20pm - misc - by immature - United Kingdom (Reading)



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  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

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