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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

#21281464
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30646) - you deserved it (4019)

On 10/19/2014 at 11:48pm - kids - by Bad Dad - United States (Colorado)

Today, I learned that if you give a squirrel a cookie, he'll climb up your pants in search of more cookies. FML

Today, my taxi driver kept falling asleep and swerving off the road, so I asked him if he was okay. He stopped and burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce and his wife taking all he had. Long story short, I ended up driving him home and getting a taxi from his place. FML

#21273346
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38573) - you deserved it (3075)

On 10/08/2014 at 5:01am - misc - by rockytrolley - Cyprus

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I was a test tube baby. He looked at me with confusion before asking, "But if scientists made you, surely you'd be really attractive and talented and stuff?" FML

#21272259
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38292) - you deserved it (3764)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:47pm - misc - by thanks babe - United Kingdom (Shropshire)

Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

#21285040
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28940) - you deserved it (4763)

On 10/25/2014 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

#21282367
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32960) - you deserved it (6746)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom with my husband, so I set up some Halloween torches to create a wild ambiance. Unfortunately our dickhead neighbours saw the glow, didn't remember that fire tends to give off smoke, and called the fire department on us. FML

#21287079
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24693) - you deserved it (4798)

On 10/28/2014 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by BurnedDown (woman) - United Kingdom (East Riding of Yorkshire)

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

#21280696
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34844) - you deserved it (3372)

On 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML

#21271461
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42905) - you deserved it (2505)

On 10/05/2014 at 7:30pm - animals - by FML - United States (Texas)

Today, my psycho mom walked in while I was chilling and having fun with some friends. She kicked them out and now wants to drug test me, because "Nobody's that happy without drugs". FML

#21280487
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37654) - you deserved it (2554)

On 10/18/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I rode my new motorcycle to work for the first time. As I accelerated, I felt a sharp pain in my neck. Apparently, poisonous spiders can actually get trapped inside motorbike helmets. Duly noted. FML

Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML

#21271247
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39282) - you deserved it (2489)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:48pm - health - by Eww - United States (Oregon)



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