Choose the period

All time / Top of the month / Top of the week / Top of the day
October 2016

Choose a category


Today, I got a bug bite on my boob. I scratched it so much it started bleeding so I put a bandaid on it. Turns out the band-aid had latex in it and I got an allergic reaction to it. The bug bite is still bleeding and the top half of my boob is swollen. FML

by paytonallyce / 10/02/2016 at 10:32pm / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, in an effort to be more active, I jumped out of bed ready for a morning jog. Or, that was the plan. Instead, I twisted my knee so badly standing up, it's now locked, and I can't move it. So much for activity. FML

by Ouchie / 10/07/2016 at 8:51am / Ireland (Kildare) / Health

Today, I was syphoning some gas from my truck to my friend's car just enough to get to the gas station. I told my friend to let me know when the gas was coming; he said, "Alright." Suddenly, I got a mouth full of gas because he was on his phone taking a video of me. He got the whole thing. FML

by crazytortise / 10/05/2016 at 10:40pm / United States / Transportation

Today, my toddler son walked up to my older daughter and kissed her chest, then said, "I kissed the boob." I have no idea where he learned that word. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2016 at 2:59pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend met my mom. He was curious as to how my mom had a better ass than mine when she was twice my age. FML

by mermaidkeels / 10/10/2016 at 9:44am / United States (Florida) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I discovered that you should always check the litter box before vacuuming stray litter outside of it after my cat burst out from the box mid-piss and skittered around the house still pissing after I put the vacuum hose behind the box. FML

by mallyboo / 10/01/2016 at 10:38am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I told the doctor that one of my ribs sticks out farther than the other. When I lifted my shirt to show him, he immediately laughed and said, "Whoa, that's not subtle is it!" As if I wasn't already insecure about it. FML

by justmyluck5150 / 10/17/2016 at 1:58pm / United States / Health

Today, I discovered that my band section had misspelled my name as "Joke" on our section poster. On purpose. It's supposed to be Jake. FML

by storrent / 10/05/2016 at 12:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was house-hunting online. I was becoming increasingly discouraged and began to look for mini-houses in absurd desperation. I noticed the Google sidebar advertising a cute mini house within my budget. Excited, I clicked on the ad - only to discover it was an ad for a child's playhouse. FML

by Nohouseforme / 10/07/2016 at 1:38am / United States (Arizona) / Money

Today, for the sixteenth consecutive time, I'm definitely not pregnant. Nope, I'm just super bitchy, and I like really weird food. FML

by Amie89 / 10/09/2016 at 12:37am / United States (Ohio) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I confessed my feelings to the only man I've ever loved. He asked me for dating advice. FML

by hopeless / 10/07/2016 at 4:28pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I got into my dream university. I also got turned down for the scholarship and the loan that would enable me to actually go. FML

by TooPoorForPrivateUni / 10/09/2016 at 12:18pm / United Kingdom (Merton) / Money

Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification that my workload would be increased to more than twice what is was before. FML

by twicethepersonioncewas / 10/18/2016 at 1:19am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work