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September 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

#21259401
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28169) - you deserved it (2383)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

#21257305
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33593) - you deserved it (2869)

On 09/13/2014 at 2:56am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

#21251173
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33863) - you deserved it (4501)

On 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, a guy tried to pick me up with the line, "You're ugly. Just kidding. You're my date." FML

Today, I received a package in the mail. It was a workout and weight-loss plan that I ordered last week. I finished an entire pizza and pint of ice-cream as I read the guidelines. FML

Today, my roommate asked for my opinion of her new painting. The same painting I hand-painted for over ten hours. She apparently thought it was a gift. She won't give it back. FML

#21251580
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36475) - you deserved it (2884)

On 09/04/2014 at 12:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused: "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML

#21257016
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32679) - you deserved it (2684)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend canceled his plans to attend my father's wake, not even 10 minutes after he found out there won't be any alcohol on offer. FML

#21253199
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32885) - you deserved it (3433)

On 09/06/2014 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my roommate decided that because she has an oral report due, she's going to scream at the top of her lungs until she loses her voice to get out of it. It's been two hours and she refuses to stop. FML

#21252777
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36913) - you deserved it (2288)

On 09/06/2014 at 12:25am - misc - by why me? - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found my son trying to comb his hair with scissors. He's the same kid who thought that if he ate toothpaste, he would never have to brush his teeth again. FML

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41508) - you deserved it (3160)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML

#21259205
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22920) - you deserved it (3262)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:31am - kids - by HeIsKindaRightTho (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

#21256123
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34451) - you deserved it (2682)

On 09/11/2014 at 2:49am - work - by PerfectVision (woman) - United States (Washington)



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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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