Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me straight in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36443) - you deserved it (2769)
On 05/14/2013 at 12:48pm - work - by sumhub94 - United States
Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38855) - you deserved it (5223)
On 05/02/2013 at 4:27am - misc - by inyobeddd (man) - United States (California)
Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38957) - you deserved it (9411)
On 05/04/2013 at 4:11am - health - by thatonesilentkidinclass (man) - Philippines (Batangas)
Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51208) - you deserved it (3519)
On 05/08/2013 at 10:44am - intimacy - by oops - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I gave a presentation about how teachers don't intervene enough when students are being bullied. Afterwards, I was practically bullied by my teacher for "not choosing a serious topic." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42120) - you deserved it (4723)
On 05/07/2013 at 2:14pm - misc - by hopelesscollegechick - United States (Alabama)
Today, I was at dance rehearsal. As a male dancer I like to keep the fact that I dance a secret because of the stupid stereotypes male dancers have. This plan was quickly shot down when I discovered I was performing at my school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34329) - you deserved it (4586)
On 05/03/2013 at 8:39pm - misc - by DeActivated (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49501) - you deserved it (5011)
On 05/10/2013 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)
Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34632) - you deserved it (2277)
On 05/15/2013 at 5:47pm - work - by Seriously? (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44520) - you deserved it (3088)
On 05/09/2013 at 3:01am - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34969) - you deserved it (7833)
On 05/15/2013 at 3:20am - misc - by notarobber (man) - United States (California)
Today, my grandpa moved into the house to live with my family. Along with having to share a room with him, he swears that having the AC on will give him pneumonia, and he keeps saying he's "freezing" when the temperature inside gets below 85. We live in Nevada. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36661) - you deserved it (2629)
On 05/11/2013 at 5:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42903) - you deserved it (4409)
On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)
Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35250) - you deserved it (4534) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/15/2013 at 2:58am - misc - by grossesfesses (woman) - France (Picardie)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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