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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out why my husband has been coming home from work so late. Turns out he loves to help people. Specifically female people. And by help, I mean sleep with. FML

#21403935
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32459) - you deserved it (2442)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by I pick em' good - United States

Today, while out shopping with friends, I was apphrehended by two bounty hunters because they recognized my purple-dyed hair. Too bad my name isn't Natalie, who apparently shares the same hair color. They didn't believe me, even after I showed my ID. FML

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

#21403720
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29311) - you deserved it (4554)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Finland

Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM or anything like that, it's just in case she gets bored and wants me to stop. FML

#21412386
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26980) - you deserved it (4299)

On 05/19/2015 at 2:45am - intimacy - by username - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza and ended up falling asleep on my coach. FML

#21406331
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16530) - you deserved it (24178)

On 05/07/2015 at 5:43pm - money - by NevertheKool (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML

#21404933
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26370) - you deserved it (5497)

On 05/05/2015 at 1:41am - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a passing by bird managed to poop through my car's sunroof and onto the center console. FML

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

#21414219
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19780) - you deserved it (1984)

On 05/22/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by Kurda (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML

#21407745
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30432) - you deserved it (5402)

On 05/10/2015 at 11:35am - intimacy - by YouDontSay (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML

#21414899
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17474) - you deserved it (1015)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:15am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, one of my idiot co-workers thought it'd be hilarious to "fix" my car while I was working. Now every time I step on the brake pedal, the horn goes off. FML

#21412007
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27193) - you deserved it (2265)

On 05/18/2015 at 2:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was supposed to light candles at my aunt's wedding. I accidentally lit the groom on fire. FML

#21402824
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29774) - you deserved it (5552)

On 05/01/2015 at 9:41am - misc - by why? - United States



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