Choose the period

All time / Top of the month / Top of the week / Top of the day
August 2016

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, after changing and dressing my 6-month-old into his super cute brand new outfit, I saw the telltale sign of him about to vomit. Without thinking, I cup my hand under his mouth and catch it all. I had to sit there with a hand full of puke and nowhere to dump it. FML

by Felinefine / 08/15/2016 at 3:33pm / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Kids

Today, my mom told me that she wanted the whole family to move to Guatemala. I told her, as nice and calmly as I could, that this was an awful idea. She is now furious with me because I don't want to move to Guatemala. FML

by holluphollup / 08/01/2016 at 2:01pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I sent a text to my volleyball group chat congratulating everyone who made the school team, which I hadn't. Someone removed me from the conversation. FML

by washcaps / 08/03/2016 at 10:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was flirting with a really cute girl and we ran out of things to say, I got so nervous with the silence that I asked her if she had hiccuped lately. FML

Today, I was awoken by my grandparents making love, as they shook the camper in which my cousin and I were sleeping. FML

by Scared4Lf / 08/19/2016 at 2:10pm / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

by DisgustingCreatures / 08/04/2016 at 2:53pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I sprained my wrist while trying to grate a block of frozen cheese. FML

by cheeseless / 08/11/2016 at 4:47pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I woke up at 3:45 am, and got ready to leave my house before 5, since I needed to be at my new job for orientation at 6. When I got there, I realized they actually meant 6 pm. FML

by SeriouslyEvery / 08/11/2016 at 12:12pm / United States (New York) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my ex-husband introduced our daughter to her "new mommy". That's the third time this year. FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2016 at 12:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I went on a date with a guy who told me his main aim in life is to live alone in an isolated lighthouse. FML

by datingfail / 08/14/2016 at 8:06am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2016 at 2:01pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, after not moving at work all day, I decided to be healthy and walk home. Now my thighs are numb from rubbing together. FML

by ChubbyPanda / 08/08/2016 at 6:49pm / Health

Today, while driving to a client's home, I received a text. Since I loathe those who text and drive, I pulled into a convenience store's parking lot. While I was texting, a car sped into the lot, rear-ending my car. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2016 at 4:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work