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July 2016

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Today, I went to visit my best friend at her house. I saw her five-year-old brother playing in the front yard, and as I walked up to the door he shouted, "Boobs are here! Boobs are here!" FML

by boobswerehere / 07/07/2016 at 3:15am / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, I went to the store to get groceries. After getting all the stuff I need, and was heading towards the checkout point, I heard a baby cry and instantly felt coldness on my shirt. Yes I was lactating, and yes it was noticeable. FML

by gamerlaura / 07/21/2016 at 6:09pm / United Kingdom (Gwynedd) / Health

Today, I told my boyfriend I'll be moving to a different state in a few months for a new job. He now refers to me as his "girlfriend for now". FML

by mulligan / 07/07/2016 at 1:38pm / United States / Love

Today, it's so insanely hot that no matter how often I shower or use deodorant the smell of my armpits makes me feel physically sick. FML

by Need To Bathe In Deodorant / 07/17/2016 at 3:23pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from a job I had applied for. Everything went great until I realized I had applied to the wrong location, across town. I'm so broke, I went to the interview anyway. It will cost me more to pay for the gas to drive there to work, than what I will actually make. FML

by wellfuck / 07/15/2016 at 7:04pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend in bed with another guy. On top of it all he stole my favorite underwear. FML

by pittmanw / 07/17/2016 at 10:54pm / United States (Wyoming) / Intimacy

Today, my kids overheard me talking about cleaning the fuel system in our RV before we go to Disney World. They were so eager to get there, they decided they'd clean the fuel system themselves while I was at work, namely by pouring Tide into the gas tank. FML

by DoubledTrouble / 07/21/2016 at 7:58am / United States (District of Columbia) / Kids

Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2016 at 9:39am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, like every year, my next-door neighbors started setting off their fireworks at exactly midnight. Also, like every year, the sensitive car alarm belonging to another neighbor has gone off with every firework. It's been almost six hours of nonstop alarms and explosions. FML

by TooNoisy4Me / 07/04/2016 at 5:46am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that my friends nicknamed me Snow White, not because I’ve got dark hair and very pale skin, but because I “only hook up with tiny dudes”. FML

by Jioune / 07/05/2016 at 5:56pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love

Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML

by Xerfox / 07/03/2016 at 2:05pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my wife sheds worse than a husky when she showers. I've had to clean the drain before I shower or it floods the bathroom floorrrrr. FML

by married to a bipedal husky / 07/12/2016 at 5:52pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was heading out for my flight to Australia. I'd put a padlock on my luggage to keep my wallet and passport safe, only to realize way too late that I'd left the key at home. I couldn't get at my passport and ended up missing my flight and my whole vacation along with it. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2016 at 12:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous