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September 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I babysat a 10 year old from hell. She kept insulting me, saying I have tiny boobs, that boys must hate me, and that I'm ugly. I eventually got fed up and put her to bed. When her parents came back, she ran out of her room in tears and told them I'd beaten her. They believed it. FML

#21258738
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36678) - you deserved it (2232)

On 09/15/2014 at 11:51am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML

#21258796
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33535) - you deserved it (3223)

On 09/15/2014 at 1:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

#21253662
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34627) - you deserved it (3229)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:55am - health - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

#21255419
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40569) - you deserved it (11343)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was eating a bowl of cereal and noticed something float to the top. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a mouse turd. I had already eaten half the bowl. FML

#21253597
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35905) - you deserved it (3802)

On 09/07/2014 at 9:45am - misc - by goodmorning - United States (Indiana)

Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML

#21254463
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38439) - you deserved it (3366)

On 09/08/2014 at 1:56pm - health - by jkim - United States (California)

Today, my cat decided to use my bowl of rice krispies as his litter box. FML

Today, I invited my deadbeat dad over for dinner, hoping we could resolve our issues and build a proper relationship. Just minutes after he arrived, I caught him stealing money from my purse. He actually said I owe him for raising me. He ditched my mom and me when I was 5. FML

#21255044
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42168) - you deserved it (3364)

On 09/09/2014 at 12:47pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went on a blind date. My date would respond to me by saying "retweet" and "favorite" when she thought something was relatable. FML

#21261017
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34527) - you deserved it (2952)

On 09/18/2014 at 11:15pm - love - by clairebear104 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I ran one of the hardest cross-country courses in the country. I'm a pretty good runner, and I was feeling confident for the first mile. Then the chipotle from last night's dinner hit, and my legs weren't the only thing running. FML

#21257129
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35281) - you deserved it (8335)

On 09/12/2014 at 8:19pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML

#21250726
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48903) - you deserved it (2458)

On 09/02/2014 at 7:38pm - misc - by SadAndDeaf -

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML

#21258867
77 comments


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