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February 2016

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Today, my wife and I were having sex when she suddenly stopped and said, "I just thought of a great lesson plan idea for my 3rd graders." This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

#21522820
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19313) - you deserved it (1883)

On 02/04/2016 at 5:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

#21522996
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19063) - you deserved it (1763)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:27am - intimacy - by Sgt_Jackrum (woman) - United Kingdom (Sandwell)

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

#21521769
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19334) - you deserved it (4853)

On 02/01/2016 at 12:00pm - intimacy - by IsThisRealLife (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I met up with my 'on again, off again' girlfriend of 4 years that I'm still madly in love with. We've been broken up for a few months and she's been dating someone else. We talked about possibly trying things again. When I got home, I found out she's engaged. FML

#21524584
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15508) - you deserved it (3371)

On 02/09/2016 at 9:29pm - love - by lovehurts - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was hanging out with a friend out of state. He had some friends with him and we were all having a great time, until they found out I live in Utah. They instantly assumed I was Mormon and started to act weird around me. This is a frequent occurrence. FML

#21525041
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12676) - you deserved it (1115)

On 02/11/2016 at 1:06am - misc - by Poppleton99 - United States (Utah)

Today, I sat in my hotel room bathroom in dead silence for 30 minutes while I waited for the cleaning staff to stop watching TV and drinking beer from the minibar, so that I could finish using the toilet. FML

#21524700
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15131) - you deserved it (2750)

On 02/10/2016 at 4:09am - misc - by mn051299 - Switzerland (Schwyz)

Today, I had to give up going to a therapist because it was too expensive and my parents couldn't afford it. Meanwhile, a girl in my class is getting a therapist for her dog. FML

#21524514
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16796) - you deserved it (1273)

On 02/09/2016 at 6:21pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I got to work and saw a new desk had been setup on stilts. 'Oh, who got the standing desk?' I asked. Turns out it's for the guy in the wheelchair who was right behind me. It needs to be high so the controls of his wheelchair can fit under the desk. FML

#21522017
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17831) - you deserved it (3398)

On 02/02/2016 at 5:06am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Cork)

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

#21522725
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20445) - you deserved it (1504)

On 02/04/2016 at 10:16am - animals - by uninvited (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I told my step-mom that my medication is causing me to lose weight. She looked me up and down and suggested I triple my dosage. FML

#21523215
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19266) - you deserved it (1914)

On 02/05/2016 at 10:11pm - misc - by cuntingbitchofawhore - United States (Indiana)

Today, there was an issue with the sewage system at work. It smelled like somebody took a turd, left it in the sun to marinate, threw up on it, then put in the air conditioning to fill the store with nauseating stink. I nearly threw up multiple times because we weren't allowed to leave early. FML

#21524799
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14733) - you deserved it (970)

On 02/10/2016 at 11:57am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was driving back home when I saw a yellow object flying off my roof of my car through the side mirrors. I thought nothing of it, then I noticed that I didn't have my phone with me. That's when I realized that the "flying yellow object" was my phone. FML

#21521941
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17175) - you deserved it (6266)

On 02/01/2016 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, after months of daily migraines and doctor's visits, I've now been told that my "temporary" hearing loss has nothing to do with my migraines, nor is it temporary at all. FML

#21524813
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16294) - you deserved it (960)

On 02/10/2016 at 12:49pm - health - by make america date again (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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