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December 2014

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Today, my mother-in-maw informed us that she sold her house and is moving in with us so we'll "take care" of her in old age. She's in perfect health. We've only been married for 4 months. My wife can't stand her for more than 2 weeks at a time, let alone living with us. FML

#21314927
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31038) - you deserved it (2448)

On 12/10/2014 at 9:05am - misc - by NotAnInLawFamilyMan (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

#21315008
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32757) - you deserved it (3216)

On 12/10/2014 at 1:16pm - intimacy - by unlovedandunfucked (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, at the fast food joint I work at, I had to climb into the children's play area and chase out two horny teens who thought it was an appropriate place to stick their hands down each other's pants and fool around. I don't get paid enough for this shit. FML

Today, I deleted a load of junk that was messing up my mother's computer. I don't know how I'm going to tell her I accidentally wiped out all of her wedding photos. FML

#21310063
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20547) - you deserved it (26751)

On 12/02/2014 at 12:02pm - misc - by not living happily ever after - United States (Virginia)

Today, I sat on the bus for 3 hours stuck in traffic trying to ignore the old lady sitting next to me discreetly masturbating. FML

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

#21321894
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14900) - you deserved it (2426)

On 12/22/2014 at 3:05am - love - by ScottyB - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a student's mother sent me an e-mail complaining that I was requiring her child to read a book containing mild profanity. She then demanded me to let him read an easier book. This would've been somewhat acceptable if the student wasn't in the 12th grade. FML

#21318762
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30621) - you deserved it (2365)

On 12/16/2014 at 9:11pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML

#21316969
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30209) - you deserved it (3685)

On 12/13/2014 at 8:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, it's either be alone and miserable, or go on shitty dates and be miserable. I have no other options. FML

Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. She was so excited that she had a severe asthma attack and ended up in hospital. Her answer was yes, but her parents won't let me anywhere near her now. They say I'm lucky they haven't sued me for "trying to kill her". FML

#21312768
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38597) - you deserved it (2232)

On 12/06/2014 at 7:56pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I decorated my boyfriend's house for Christmas as a surprise, just in time for him and his family to come home. Also just in time for him to tell me he's Jewish. FML

#21322002
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14435) - you deserved it (4560)

On 12/22/2014 at 10:04am - love - by cwhitney7 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

#21315694
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34002) - you deserved it (4222)

On 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

#21318416
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31083) - you deserved it (6023)

On 12/16/2014 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Extravirgin (man) - Germany (Bayern)



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