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July 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while working security at my job, for the second time, a man with Down's Syndrome entered the store, went to one of the demo computers, opened YouTube, pulled up a video of oiled women wrestling and jerked off. There is no protocol in the handbook for how to deal with this scenario. FML

Today, I attended a new class at college. It was a class to help people with Asperger's adjust to college, which my parents pushed me into taking. It was incredibly condescending and insulting, and it felt like a class for preschoolers. My parents won't let me drop the class. FML

Today, my phone kept beeping, so I put it on silent and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I found the guy I went on a date with last night had sent dozens of messages. The first was "Good morning! :)" and the last was "Answer me u fuckin cunt!!!!" I think I'm staying single. FML

#21439620
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27593) - you deserved it (2631)

On 07/10/2015 at 3:54pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was reading a picture storybook to a kindergarten kid. She could pronounce more words than me, and corrected me. I'm about triple her age. FML

#21445328
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13802) - you deserved it (23189)

On 07/22/2015 at 2:32am - kids - by thebiteof87 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mother found out about the psychology exam I have to take tomorrow. Before leaving for her vacation this morning, she grabbed the internet router and took it with her to "get rid of distractions". I have one day to figure out how to access this online exam without Internet. FML

#21436769
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25826) - you deserved it (1632)

On 07/05/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by getting real crafty.. - United States (Maine)

Today, I was working at the local grocery store and a customer of mine, who had only bought two granola bars and was holding up my line, tried to convert me to Christianity. Out of all the people to target, she chose the shy atheist who just wanted to do her minimum wage job in peace. FML

#21445275
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23766) - you deserved it (2587)

On 07/22/2015 at 12:20am - work - by Quortney - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

#21443815
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28633) - you deserved it (3792)

On 07/19/2015 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

#21436148
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27883) - you deserved it (3712)

On 07/04/2015 at 1:02am - intimacy - by alison (woman) - United States

Today, I finally finished downloading a 60GB TV series after two weeks of waiting. Every single "episode" turned out to be Rick Astley singing Never Gonna Give You Up, on constant repeat. I almost respect the prankster's effort enough to not want to gut him like a fish. Almost. FML

#21439737
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27551) - you deserved it (7322)

On 07/10/2015 at 8:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

#21446517
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22742) - you deserved it (2103)

On 07/24/2015 at 12:44pm - intimacy - by fuck (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML

#21441433
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27521) - you deserved it (1562)

On 07/14/2015 at 6:33am - misc - by ow my kidneys (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, while on my Dad's computer, I looked through the browser history to find the name of a website I'd visited on it the other day. I soon found out he watches a staggering amount of downright frightening incest porn. I'm disturbed on so many levels. FML

#21445392
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24770) - you deserved it (3079)

On 07/22/2015 at 7:52am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I sent my long-distance boyfriend a heartfelt message about how much I missed him. He sent me back a picture of a Minion. FML

#21442865
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25051) - you deserved it (3207)

On 07/17/2015 at 3:04am - love - by anon - Australia (Victoria)



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