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February 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was given my yearly evaluation as a cake decorator at Walmart. They said I "was easily the best decorator there" and "the bakery has definitely improved since I got there." In the same conversation they put "unsatisfactory" on my evaluation and denied my raise. FML

Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML

#21352803
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31199) - you deserved it (3738)

On 02/09/2015 at 3:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML

#21364287
139 comments

Today, I got a letter in the mail telling me to report for jury duty. The day that I have to show up is the day of my wedding. FML

#21353566
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36984) - you deserved it (2324)

On 02/10/2015 at 6:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML

#21354177
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28720) - you deserved it (9371)

On 02/11/2015 at 4:00pm - misc - by assholedad (man) - United States

Today, my fiancée told me about her new diet. Apparently, she is only going to drink water and tan in a tanning bed so she can photosynthesise. She thinks this will help her lose weight, since she doesn't have to eat anything. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. Not an hour later, I walked in on my sister giving him a handjob in her room. And what's worse, my first reaction was just to wonder why he'd bother cheating on me for just a handjob. FML

#21358057
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37186) - you deserved it (3058)

On 02/17/2015 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

#21360278
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33761) - you deserved it (2570)

On 02/21/2015 at 8:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Even after several hours I wasn't able to climax. My girlfriend now thinks that I don't like her body, and the reason I couldn't orgasm is because I don't like having sex with her. We spend the rest of the night in silence. FML

Today, my grandma rushed into my work and told my manager I had to leave due to a family emergency. Panicked, I ran to get my stuff and ran to the car. When I asked what had happened, she replied, "I needed someone to go see 50 Shades of Grey with me." FML

#21355550
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32925) - you deserved it (3374)

On 02/13/2015 at 8:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a police car hit my parked vehicle, likely due to icy road conditions. When the officer came over to talk to me, I assumed it was to give me his insurance information. Nope. It was to give me a ticket for 'impeding a police officer'. My car was in my driveway. FML

#21357102
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38933) - you deserved it (2037)

On 02/16/2015 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

#21348539
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43139) - you deserved it (2580)

On 02/02/2015 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by StantheMan93 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

#21360309
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28971) - you deserved it (7402)

On 02/21/2015 at 10:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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Friday 27 February 2015

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