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August 2016

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Today, I got a bad review on my work's Facebook page. The girl said I was very rude and I should never work with the public. I was trying to flirt with her. FML

by Bg2466 / 08/14/2016 at 11:17pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, my 15-year-old son was waiting in the car for me after driving around to build up hours for his permit. He then decided it was a good idea to quickly drive over to catch a Pokemon nearby. He didn't count on getting pulled over for texting and driving while underage without an adult though. FML

by ButItWasRareDad! / 08/03/2016 at 6:21pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, while at work as a cashier, one lady's total was $1.32. She handed me the dollar, and then apologized. When I looked at her, confused as to what she was sorry about, she went wrist deep into her bra, grabbed some change, and quickly put it into my hand. It was wet and it smelt. FML

by CliffyB03 / 08/01/2016 at 5:00pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, not even 10 minutes into my job as a student teacher, I've had one student wipe boogers on me, another pee their pants, and a third won't stop crying for his mother. This is my first day. FML

by crazy_bananas / 08/22/2016 at 11:53am / United States / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it's my birthday and I celebrated with friends. I now have 34 individual copies of the first Twilight movie. FML

by Raptorcake / 08/15/2016 at 8:50am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Holidays

Today, I'm working an 8-hour shift on less than 3 hours of sleep. In order to stay awake, I chugged 3 Red Bulls. Now I can't feel my face. FML

Today, I overheard two classmates wondering who Joan of Arc was. They agreed among themselves that she had to be the wife of Noah. We're in college. FML

by Emmereen / 08/22/2016 at 10:21pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I thought I'd spice things up by kissing my husband on the lips and then working my way down. But about halfway, I got some of his chest hairs lodged in my throat and started gagging. To avoid ruining the mood, I kept going, silently gagging, until we finished. I swallowed the hair. FML

by so unsexy / 08/04/2016 at 5:32pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a date. Met the guy at the restaurant, everything seemed to be going OK, but then he spent the entire dinner talking about Pokemon GO, and wouldn't let me say a word. He suddenly stops talking, gets up, says he, "doesn't feel a connection" and leaves. I had to pay the bill. FML

by ZombiKilla / 08/15/2016 at 10:46pm / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to the sound of my cat knocking things over. It wasn't until my boyfriend sat upright and checked, that I realized it actually wasn't our cat, but my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend trying to get into our second-story window. This isn't the first time she's done this. FML

by WendigogoAway / 08/15/2016 at 5:46am / United States (Ohio) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, someone drove into my car at an intersection and drove off. Luckily, I got the car's registration plate and called the cops on them. Turns out, it was my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend, who was illegally driving without a license. Now everyone's mad at me for getting her in trouble. FML

by Innocent / 08/18/2016 at 7:03pm / New Zealand / Transportation

Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually lose anything. Instead, my mom drunkenly admitted to tossing my stuff away and then punishing me for it whenever she was mad at me. FML

by WellPlayedMother / 08/24/2016 at 2:15am / Miscellaneous

Today, the owner of the restaurant I work at texted me to let me know the manager does not want me to come in anymore. Why? I'm the most praised of the staff by the customers and they love me, which makes the manager look bad. The owner hired me solely for customer service in the first place. FML

by browneyedgirlx3 / 08/07/2016 at 11:19pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.