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April 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML

#21398482
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32286) - you deserved it (2482)

On 04/23/2015 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my colleagues were excitedly talking about going for drinks after work. I heard one of them ask, Is Sam coming?' and shortly after leave without me. I'm Sam. FML

#21385304
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24638) - you deserved it (3298)

On 04/01/2015 at 7:37am - work - by Sam - Netherlands (Groningen)

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

#21394468
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30967) - you deserved it (4876)

On 04/16/2015 at 1:04am - intimacy - by Evra (woman) - United States

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

#21387117
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28845) - you deserved it (5448)

On 04/03/2015 at 5:15pm - kids - by no, YOU raised him (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out that the nickname my friend has been calling me in Japanese for the past year is the word for "Idiot". FML

#21388350
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25637) - you deserved it (4368)

On 04/05/2015 at 11:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my mom let me know that I'll have to spend my entire tax return on replacing my car brakes. The reason I need new brakes is because almost every single time she uses the car, she floors the gas while the parking brake is still on. FML

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. While looking at the menu, my date said "Who even likes kweetch? Gross." When I realized she was trying to say "quiche", I corrected her. That pissed her off. Now I'm at home, alone, trying to decide which hand is going to keep me company tonight. FML

#21392355
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28933) - you deserved it (6168)

On 04/12/2015 at 1:00pm - intimacy - by left, I guess (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML

#21392816
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33626) - you deserved it (2818)

On 04/13/2015 at 6:43am - love - by whymanwhy (woman) - Czech Republic

Today, my grandma told me point-blank that she despises gays, but that she'll go to my wedding for the booze and nothing more. FML

#21396211
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30223) - you deserved it (4262)

On 04/19/2015 at 12:34pm - love - by leonuniz (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my 13-year-old sister told me that she wants to get pregnant soon to stop her periods for a while. I can't believe we're related. FML

#21393492
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30917) - you deserved it (2406)

On 04/14/2015 at 11:49am - health - by TheGoodSister - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I came out as bisexual to my 17-year-old sister. She was quiet for a second, then told me she knows for sure I only have "girl parts". I had to explain to her the difference between being bi and being a hermaphrodite. FML

#21397585
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27752) - you deserved it (3067)

On 04/21/2015 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by Notthatone (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got disappointed when I realized that I had to share a bed with my husband because we had company over. FML

#21389862
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22474) - you deserved it (16243)

On 04/08/2015 at 6:52am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML

#21393558
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33853) - you deserved it (3227)

On 04/14/2015 at 2:15pm - work - by Anyonexx0 - United States (District of Columbia)



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