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January 2015

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Today, I found out why I receive random drug tests at work. The safety department was specifically told by my boss to check up on me because I always seem way too cheerful to not be high. I've passed every single test. FML

#21342840
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24822) - you deserved it (1942)

On 01/23/2015 at 11:41am - work - by Ineedlotsofwater (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to sext before going to sleep. It was very late, but I said I'd stay up for him. He sent a text asking me if I was ready. Me replying "yes" was the last thing I remember before I fell asleep on my horny boyfriend. FML

#21334154
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27115) - you deserved it (7990)

On 01/09/2015 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while breast feeding my 7 month old before his nap, I hummed his favorite song as I rocked. He pulled away, stared at me, and cried til I shut up. FML

#21342394
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23118) - you deserved it (3848)

On 01/22/2015 at 5:36pm - kids - by ameliaruth09 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML

#21328812
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24807) - you deserved it (6663)

On 01/01/2015 at 6:02pm - misc - by CK95 - United States

Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML

#21341383
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27048) - you deserved it (3285)

On 01/21/2015 at 12:34am - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I told my dog to give me the stick he had in his mouth so I could throw it for him. After I picked it up I realized it was a dried-out piece of shit. FML

#21338477
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20385) - you deserved it (12127)

On 01/16/2015 at 7:37pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went on a road trip with my boyfriend and his best friend. What I thought was going to be a great, fun time ended up with me alone in a car with two large men who wouldn't stop farting for 14 hours. FML

#21328432
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26150) - you deserved it (4076)

On 01/01/2015 at 3:52am - misc - by sandwhiched - United States (California)

Today, I have to wear earplugs in my own apartment because my neighbor won't turn down his music. My landlord doesn't believe me because "people with disabilities can't be rude." FML

#21343763
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11970) - you deserved it (764)

On 01/25/2015 at 12:01am - misc - by Earplugged (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my professor was doing roll-call. As usual, she didn't say my name because it's so close to the person before me. So to differentiate, she decided she would call the girl before me "the pretty one". FML

#21341880
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27803) - you deserved it (2053)

On 01/21/2015 at 9:17pm - misc - by The Ugly One - United States

Today, my mom and step-dad tore my room apart looking for the stash of drugs they thought I had. I've never touched drugs in my life, and I guess they believe me now. Didn't stop them from making me clean up the mess they made, though. FML

#21329401
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30388) - you deserved it (2065)

On 01/02/2015 at 2:23pm - misc - by tokinallday - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my mother told me how long it took for her to have me. Not how long she carried me in her womb - how long it took her and my dad to have sex. FML

#21339798
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26222) - you deserved it (2174)

On 01/18/2015 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by -.- - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my scumbag landlady broke into my place and stole my mop, which I refused to give her earlier. She denied everything and tried to convince me that some criminal broke in using a key, stole only my mop, and was nice enough to lock up on the way out. FML

#21332650
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29495) - you deserved it (2330)

On 01/07/2015 at 11:29am - misc - by Anonymous - Sri Lanka

Today, in an attempt to be romantic, I kissed my husband as passionately as I could. After, he looked at me and said, "You taste like Chinese food." FML

#21330815
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24970) - you deserved it (4364)

On 01/04/2015 at 6:14pm - love - by TimJack18 - United States (North Carolina)



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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