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July 2016

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Today, a customer complained that her salad had "too much lettuce." Her bowl was less than half-filled with lettuce and the rest was cheese. FML

by TheFriskyBadger / 07/12/2016 at 7:57pm / Work

Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML

by shouldhavestayedinbed / 07/01/2016 at 6:45am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, after 22 hours running around the hospital, I found some time to sit still and have a sandwich. My attending physician walked by and commented that I must not have enough work to do. The same person who 12 hours ago said finding time to eat was a skill, since I was eating on the go. FML

by AverageAvarice / 07/07/2016 at 4:09pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my friends woke me up on my birthday by spraying me with silly string. I have a job interview and it won't come out of my hair. FML

by anonymous / 07/07/2016 at 11:24am / United States / Work

Today, the guy I broke up with for being too possessive and jealous threatened to leak my nudes if he sees or hears that I've gotten with anyone else. FML

by Anonymous / 07/09/2016 at 7:31pm / Love

Today, my husband told me I couldn't go to my morning yoga class, because he needed to leave for work at 7:30 am sharp, and I wouldn't be back in time to watch our son. It's 8:05 am and he still hasn't left for work. FML

by NoTypeOfExercise / 07/11/2016 at 11:05am / United States (California) / Love

Today, while I selling merch at a festival, a volunteer lost her toenail. Not only did she immediately show me, but she then took a picture and showed everyone coming up to my station. I lost sales because she wouldn't leave. FML

by grosstoenail / 07/13/2016 at 1:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, at the store, I didn't hear the cashier when she asked if I had a loyalty card. She took one look at my naturally bitchy-looking face and muttered "It's my JOB to ask, jeez." FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2016 at 1:53pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, a customer tried to return some pricey lingerie. She said she didn't have the packaging, but had never worn them. The skidmark I accidentally touched begged to differ. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2016 at 5:34am / Canada (Manitoba) / Work

Today, I found out my debit card information has been compromised and that someone in San Jose, CA has completely drained my bank account. Joke's on them though. I was already broke as fuck. FML

by PseudoHappiness / 07/17/2016 at 8:16pm / United States (Missouri) / Money

Today, my batshit crazy coworker told me that she wants to hear my skin sizzle. I'm afraid to go to work now. FML

Today, I was polishing a ring I made at a jewelry shop I intern at. The ring flicked off my fingers and smashed me in the eye. It only took a single trip to the emergency room to make me pretty sure I won't be getting the job. FML

by fuckmeintheeyewitharing / 07/03/2016 at 8:52am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I'm sleeping in a hotel with my grandparents for 2 days. They both talked in their sleep and snored for almost 3 hours straight, so I moved into the bathtub in the tiny bathroom to try to get some sleep. Just as I was falling asleep, the showerhead started to leak. Back to square one. FML

by tenhut / 07/01/2016 at 12:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.