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October 2014

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Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

#21272255
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34654) - you deserved it (3637)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while waiting for a plane, a man in a wheelchair was struggling to get to baggage, so I helped him. I did so without realising that I passed through the "No Entry" gate. What did I forget? My phone, my ID, and my boarding pass. What do you need to get back to the plane? All of those. FML

Today, I went to a parade. While I was there, I ran into my ex and his new girlfriend. Trying to prove I was over him, I tried to act like I was oblivious to them and having a great time. I turned around, only for a piece of candy to hit me square me in the eye. FML

#21271287
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31392) - you deserved it (4499)

On 10/05/2014 at 2:44pm - love - by HarleyDavison - United States (Missouri)

Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML

#21277907
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29297) - you deserved it (3115)

On 10/14/2014 at 8:13pm - misc - by ForeverAlone - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I was walking down the street holding my boyfriend's hand, when a seemingly sweet old man said to him, "Hey, you've got to hold her hand properly". I asked him to show me what properly meant. He licked my hand. FML

Today, my co-worker told me that my other co-worker is in the process of getting a divorce. I got really excited because his marriage is very toxic. He overheard me say, "He deserves that divorce!" I meant it in a good way, but I don't think he took it that way. FML

#21268618
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30279) - you deserved it (10348)

On 09/30/2014 at 10:20pm - work - by oopsydaisy (woman) - United States

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

#21281851
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21009) - you deserved it (1463)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:04pm - work - by Bartender - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I knocked over and broke one of two very expensive wine bottles. As I was using the mop to clean it up, the handle knocked over and broke the other. FML

#21275769
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27646) - you deserved it (7750)

On 10/11/2014 at 7:04pm - misc - by ojskyguy - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I had to write, "Do not use to freeze cat," on my bag of ice because my sister's cat died, and she refuses to bury it. FML

#21275907
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28480) - you deserved it (2326)

On 10/11/2014 at 11:14pm - animals - by MrG - United States

Today, as I was about to leave home for my first sweet taste of freedom at my new apartment, my car died. I'm stuck here for at least the weekend and can look forward to my mom driving me to work. Freedom. FML

#21274254
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26638) - you deserved it (2389)

On 10/09/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by gonesofast - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and head butted me. Now there is just an awkward silence. FML

#21270556
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32524) - you deserved it (3851)

On 10/04/2014 at 8:11am - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I noticed he looked uncomfortable. When I asked what was wrong, he asked when the last time I shaved was. I answered, "I shaved my legs this morning." He shook his head and said, "No, I meant your face." FML

#21274726
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32882) - you deserved it (5036)

On 10/10/2014 at 1:52am - love - by Jasmine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

#21282364
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17852) - you deserved it (1644)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:41am - kids - by Bald (man) - Turkey (Istanbul)



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Friday 17 October 2014

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