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August 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up from a dream in which my girlfriend gave birth to a litter of puppies. I can't even look at her now without getting nauseous. FML

#21459180
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21918) - you deserved it (2592)

On 08/22/2015 at 3:30am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML

#21451832
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24282) - you deserved it (1852)

On 08/04/2015 at 4:56pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, it was still easier for me to get an engineering PhD than it is to get a girlfriend. FML

#21452435
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22010) - you deserved it (2707)

On 08/05/2015 at 9:22pm - love - by still single (man) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)

Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML

#21451813
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24103) - you deserved it (2409)

On 08/04/2015 at 3:19pm - animals - by whydoihavecats - United Kingdom

Today, the girl I've loved for years kissed me. Then she started crying and wiping her mouth, and had a panic attack. I had to help her through it, tell her that it was no big deal, and that it would never happen again. FML

Today, a woman drove her car onto my closed worksite. Since it is hazardous for the general public, I told her to leave. Later, the police arrived and gave me hell. Apparently, I was reported for being "snippy". FML

#21455499
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24132) - you deserved it (1489)

On 08/13/2015 at 5:58am - work - by SteamLass765 (woman) -

Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror and she quickly excused herself. That was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML

#21460121
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19986) - you deserved it (2080)

On 08/24/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML

#21453135
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21032) - you deserved it (2873)

On 08/07/2015 at 12:36pm - health - by blow me (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I financed my first car. I also made my first call to AAA when it broke down. It barely had any miles on it and I wasn't even home yet. FML

#21456159
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19350) - you deserved it (1566)

On 08/14/2015 at 10:09pm - money - by BrandNewLemon - United States (California)

Today, I was diagnosed with food poisoning for the third time since moving to this base in Japan. My husband keeps cooking questionable meat and vegetables from the commissary because he thinks the food from a Japanese grocery store is radioactive. FML

#21452616
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22005) - you deserved it (1690)

On 08/06/2015 at 4:33am - health - by ithinkimturningjapanese - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)

Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML

#21453385
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25628) - you deserved it (1677)

On 08/08/2015 at 2:23am - love - by single (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML

#21450797
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26930) - you deserved it (1988)

On 08/02/2015 at 9:32am - work - by FUCKFACECUNT (man) - United Arab Emirates (Abu Dhabi)

Today, my parents told me they were getting divorced, at the beginning of a family road trip, adding that this'll be the last thing we ever do as a family. FML

#21453738
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27017) - you deserved it (1486)

On 08/09/2015 at 2:27am - misc - by jordan.marie97 - Australia



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