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July 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

#21447824
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21655) - you deserved it (4255)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:43am - intimacy - by anon - United States

Today, I had 3 teeth pulled. Due to the anaesthesia, my mom came along to drive me home. Halfway through my surgery, she decided to leave and go shopping with her friend. She even left a note with the receptionist, saying that I needed to take on my own adult responsibilities. FML

#21439124
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27054) - you deserved it (1517)

On 07/09/2015 at 5:12pm - health - by gerbilmaster (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML

#21441553
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21699) - you deserved it (2264)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:59pm - kids - by Andrew - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend told me that once you love somebody you can never truly fall "out of love" with them. She wasn't talking about me, she was talking about her ex. FML

#21435838
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24922) - you deserved it (1759)

On 07/03/2015 at 11:52am - love - by worriedman - United States (Illinois)

Today, a customer at the restaurant where I work reduced me to tears by screaming at me, as I nearly knocked out his 2-year-old with the kitchen door, after he let the little boy play on the floor behind it. Apparently, it's my fault I can't see through solid wood. FML

#21440548
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25217) - you deserved it (1505)

On 07/12/2015 at 3:39pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, an old friend and I reconnected. Everything was going fine until he threatened to visit me at work. I didn't know he knew my place of employment, so I replied, "Do you know where I live too?" He answered, "Would you hate me if I did?" FML

Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML

#21445547
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23967) - you deserved it (4885)

On 07/22/2015 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I lost out on a job opportunity because the interviewer said my "fake fangs are unprofessional and frankly disturbing". The "fangs" are my real canines, and they have always looked this way. FML

#21446532
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23265) - you deserved it (1401)

On 07/24/2015 at 1:24pm - work - by (-,..,-) (woman) - France

Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML

#21449227
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18490) - you deserved it (1035)

On 07/29/2015 at 8:57pm - health - by Crap (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

#21448484
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21968) - you deserved it (3067)

On 07/28/2015 at 8:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, the only reason my husband agreed to marriage counselling is because he finds our therapist attractive. FML

#21434782
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27413) - you deserved it (2271)

On 07/01/2015 at 9:35am - love - by ouch - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while walking home with my girlfriend we decided to take a shortcut in the woods. After hearing a huge noise, she pushed me and ran. FML

#21440556
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23014) - you deserved it (2424)

On 07/12/2015 at 3:56pm - love - by sheWontbeOnMyZombieApocteam - United States (Texas)

Today, the waste disposal truck managed to tip over a portapotty on our work site, causing the contents to overflow and run down the bank towards my portakabin office, where someone had left the door open. All my money, ID and my car keys are now shut off to me by a river of shit. FML

#21441443
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24271) - you deserved it (1643)

On 07/14/2015 at 8:00am - work - by mississpissi (woman) - United Kingdom (Slough)



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