Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45605) - you deserved it (3060)
On 05/05/2013 at 4:49pm - kids - by Aunjy - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my boss asked me to read through a document. I gave my feedback, saying it seemed like it had been written by an 8-year-old. Turns out it was in fact written by him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36709) - you deserved it (13065)
On 05/08/2013 at 12:59pm - work - by anon_1996 - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, I was feeling down about being the only single person out of a group of eight friends. Out of desperation, I made up "Jonny", a hot fitness instructor whom I recently hooked up with. Now "Jonny" and I have been invited to a friends' night out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15066) - you deserved it (57532)
On 05/12/2013 at 5:09pm - love - by forever alone - United Kingdom
Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40349) - you deserved it (4504)
On 05/13/2013 at 5:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was laid off from my job as a manager. After cleaning out my office, I began clearing my computer. I received an email from HR announcing a job position that opened up. Too bad it was for my job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37745) - you deserved it (2797)
On 05/09/2013 at 3:35am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was singing horribly in the shower. Without me knowing, my sister recorded my singing and set it as my ringtone. My phone rang in class and everyone heard it. My new nickname is American Idol. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41339) - you deserved it (8703)
On 05/08/2013 at 10:00am - kids - by kprince - United States (California)
Today, I told my family I'm going shopping with my friend "Emma". My sister's been teasing me about this saying, "Emma can't exist! She's not real! You don't have any friends." She's right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38107) - you deserved it (11151)
On 05/08/2013 at 9:22pm - misc - by 19kwhatever (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40769) - you deserved it (3236)
On 05/17/2013 at 3:21am - intimacy - by Uncomfortable (woman) -
Today, I turned 35. Because I'm still single, my sister bought me a cat to help start my "inevitable collection." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39017) - you deserved it (4905)
On 05/07/2013 at 4:17pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52471) - you deserved it (3096)
On 05/09/2013 at 1:30am - health - by Screwed Up (man) - United States
Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36274) - you deserved it (3407)
On 05/14/2013 at 4:09pm - health - by DrewK (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML
I agree, your life sucks (41305) - you deserved it (2754)
On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35731) - you deserved it (2317)
On 05/20/2013 at 7:57am - kids - by AuntPeePee - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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