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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to write my own notice for enforced redundancy because my boss just went on a two week vacation. He told me to just forge his signature and that, if I wouldn't do it, he'd just make something up to dismiss me on codes of conduct. FML

Today, I changed my toothbrush because the bristles were wearing down. My brother later asked me why I changed his toothbrush. Apparently we've been sharing the same one for the past several weeks. FML

#21403442
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29924) - you deserved it (3592)

On 05/02/2015 at 2:39pm - misc - by gross - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

#21405133
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28883) - you deserved it (11982)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by 420curse (man) - United States (California)

Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML

#21408368
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26593) - you deserved it (8689)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:40pm - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I fell asleep while working the night shift. It took me 3 hours and a whole lot of dirty looks while walking home before I looked in a mirror and saw my cockbite of a coworker had drawn a swastika on my forehead while I was asleep. FML

#21406740
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24031) - you deserved it (6740)

On 05/08/2015 at 11:44am - work - by pop, pop (man) - United States (California)

Today, I clogged the toilet in the one-man bathroom at the corner store, with a line of about 5 people waiting outside. FML

Today, I learned I'm claustrophobic by having a raging oh-god-I'm-gonna-fucking-die panic attack while I was stuck inside an MRI scanner. FML

#21408444
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25092) - you deserved it (1988)

On 05/11/2015 at 3:39pm - health - by birchbeer - United States (California)

Today, all of my roommates handed in their vacating notice unexpectedly. They are all moving to a new house together in two weeks, leaving me to be either homeless or forced to pay 4 times what I was paying in rent. FML

#21409927
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30940) - you deserved it (3537)

On 05/14/2015 at 8:41am - money - by sparkyjaf - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I finally got my 14-year-old son to aim while using the bathroom. If only I could get my husband to do the same. FML

#21404795
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25997) - you deserved it (2533)

On 05/04/2015 at 10:03pm - kids - by JustSom - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was walking my dog through a park with a lake. My dog was swimming in said lake, and then appeared to be having trouble keeping his head up. I put my phone and keys on the ground and waded to my dog. He was fine, but I turned around in time to see someone run off with my stuff. FML

#21409745
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26969) - you deserved it (2938)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:41pm - animals - by PrinceOfBritain - United States (Virginia)

Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML

#21412638
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25285) - you deserved it (2134)

On 05/19/2015 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, my sister told me she found my escaped tarantula and put it in a box on my bed. I never had a tarantula, and the box was empty when I checked. FML

#21409835
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28762) - you deserved it (2156)

On 05/14/2015 at 1:11am - animals - by cricketsins (woman) - United States

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

#21415171
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24853) - you deserved it (9889)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Ohio)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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