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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

#21280509
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32228) - you deserved it (11546)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I lost my laptop, but I have my old childhood computer to use. It's password-protected, and the hint to the password is "meaner than Hera." I haven't been into Greek mythology since I was a kid, and if anything, this computer has just shown me how dumb I've gotten over the years. FML

#21282844
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25440) - you deserved it (4759)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by HeckIfIKnow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

#21268936
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19508) - you deserved it (39864)

On 10/01/2014 at 12:53pm - misc - by ThatNewCarSmell (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

#21278162
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38390) - you deserved it (4583)

On 10/15/2014 at 2:27am - misc - by burritobreasts -

Today, my son was crying because he's afraid he might get Ebola. We live in Maine, and he's 16. FML

Today, I have to make a decision. I either drive my dad around during the day so he can drink, or I let him drink and drive so I can focus on studying for my exams. FML

#21280767
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33072) - you deserved it (2479)

On 10/18/2014 at 11:03pm - misc - by problems - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35257) - you deserved it (15797)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while on vacation, my parents called to inform me that my best friend had died in a car accident. Why? To trick me into tearfully confessing my love for him. It worked. FML

#21272324
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47012) - you deserved it (3859)

On 10/06/2014 at 9:14pm - love - by whywouldyoudothat - United States (Arizona)

Today, the guy I really like acknowledged my existence for the first time. Too bad it was through a text saying "lol ur a fat fukc". FML

#21271187
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34660) - you deserved it (3443)

On 10/05/2014 at 12:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

#21269342
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18478) - you deserved it (30904)

On 10/02/2014 at 12:47am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years, who can't get it up for me and has been blaming blood pressure issues, apparently has no problem getting it up while watching the neighbor undress from our window. FML

#21276105
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36581) - you deserved it (4118)

On 10/12/2014 at 9:21am - intimacy - by MotherMary - United States (Missouri)

Today, my friends and I went paintballing. The instructor showed us the sound of an unloaded gun by shooting at my face. It wasn't unloaded. FML

#21277056
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42990) - you deserved it (2948)

On 10/13/2014 at 5:33pm - health - by clumsylobster - Australia (Western Australia)



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