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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

#21280509
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27083) - you deserved it (9364)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

#21278162
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36972) - you deserved it (4421)

On 10/15/2014 at 2:27am - misc - by burritobreasts -

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34696) - you deserved it (15617)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while on vacation, my parents called to inform me that my best friend had died in a car accident. Why? To trick me into tearfully confessing my love for him. It worked. FML

#21272324
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46189) - you deserved it (3834)

On 10/06/2014 at 9:14pm - love - by whywouldyoudothat - United States (Arizona)

Today, the guy I really like acknowledged my existence for the first time. Too bad it was through a text saying "lol ur a fat fukc". FML

#21271187
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34361) - you deserved it (3427)

On 10/05/2014 at 12:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I have to make a decision. I either drive my dad around during the day so he can drink, or I let him drink and drive so I can focus on studying for my exams. FML

#21280767
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26713) - you deserved it (1969)

On 10/18/2014 at 11:03pm - misc - by problems - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

#21269342
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18442) - you deserved it (30809)

On 10/02/2014 at 12:47am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years, who can't get it up for me and has been blaming blood pressure issues, apparently has no problem getting it up while watching the neighbor undress from our window. FML

#21276105
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35492) - you deserved it (4027)

On 10/12/2014 at 9:21am - intimacy - by MotherMary - United States (Missouri)

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

#21273806
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33581) - you deserved it (3506)

On 10/08/2014 at 9:12pm - kids - by thenegatives - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my friends and I went paintballing. The instructor showed us the sound of an unloaded gun by shooting at my face. It wasn't unloaded. FML

#21277056
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41461) - you deserved it (2884)

On 10/13/2014 at 5:33pm - health - by clumsylobster - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32749) - you deserved it (3547)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML

#21272098
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38668) - you deserved it (3837)

On 10/06/2014 at 3:46pm - love - by kittenfish8903 (woman) - United States



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Friday 17 October 2014

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