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July 2016

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Today, I got my giant Game of Thrones tattoo finished. Despite the fact that I had spelt it out for him, the artist wrote 'You no nothing John Snow'. It's the focal part of the tattoo. FML

by Heknowsnothing / 07/13/2016 at 5:09pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to get a good night's sleep before the huge exam tomorrow, which I'm extremely anxious about. The SAME night my neighbor below me is having a home birth. It lasted NINE HOURS. FML

by katiebug / 07/11/2016 at 10:27pm / United States (Kansas) / Geek

Today, I came home from work early and caught my boyfriend in bed with my best friend. I'm such a pushover that I told them they have to finish up and she needs to get out of my house. FML

by DFTBA but FML / 07/22/2016 at 3:51am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, my religious mother found out I work at Planned Parenthood. Now everytime she sees me, she prays until I leave the room. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2016 at 2:12pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving with my little brother when out of nowhere he yelled at me to stop. Thinking it was urgent, I slammed my breaks, almost getting rammed from behind. Why did he yell for me to stop? The Pokémon GO said there was a sparrow near us. FML

by PurplePanda_1927 / 07/07/2016 at 10:26pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML

by drpepperking10 / 07/02/2016 at 7:27pm / United States / Love

Today, I was told that the $8,500 bill for my new water well grew to $11,000 because of a fair amount of overtime. I learned that the men I hired to drill the new well at our home were spending the overtime drilling my daughter as well. FML

by loserman67 / 07/18/2016 at 8:04am / Intimacy

Today, just like the past 2 weeks, I'm so broke that I only got to eat dinner because I went on a first date with a guy from Tinder. FML

by broke / 07/09/2016 at 3:36am / Money

Today, I woke up in the hospital after my sister saved me from "hanging" myself. In reality, my sister choked me because I ate her last chicken nugget. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2016 at 9:02pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my teacher marked a test question wrong, even though I was sure I got it right, so I went online to check. I found a government-approved website showing proof that my answer was correct. My teacher still counted it wrong, because, "we follow the book". That book's older than I am. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2016 at 12:19pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I clogged the toilet at my boyfriend's house. I couldn't fix it and was too ashamed to say anything. I can't handle confrontation, so I had to just sit there as my boyfriend's brother ended up getting blamed, then grounded for "lying" about it not being his fault. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2016 at 2:47pm / Kids

Today, unfortunately, my new husband's idea of foreplay is to tap me on the shoulder and tell me to roll over. I saved myself for marriage for this? FML

by Rover / 07/11/2016 at 3:03pm / Intimacy

Today, I went into labor. I called my mother to ask her to drive me to the hospital. She wanted me to wait for her to take a nap first. FML