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October 2016

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Today, after I got the birth control implant, waited a week like my doctor told me, my fiancee is still too scared that I'll get pregnant. It's been 2 months. FML

by RjsBabe / 10/01/2016 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I got fired from my job. A coworker that strongly dislikes me convinced my boss I took a day off because I was going to a Trump rally. FML

by uhmwow / 10/24/2016 at 8:50pm / Work

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

by anonymous / 10/01/2016 at 5:00am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2016 at 4:22pm / Switzerland / Animals

Today, I finally bought my first car after saving around £5000 and finding an absolute bargain that ticked all the boxes! Today was also the day of my first ever car accident, resulting in the car being written off by an uninsured driver. I had it less than 9 hours. FML

by One_Wheel_Wonder / 10/06/2016 at 11:36am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML

by LemonLearn / 10/06/2016 at 4:59pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad refused to pick me up because he didn't want to get off the couch, so I had to walk for an hour and a half to get home. When I finally got home, my dad had gone out to pick my sister up from her friend's house. Her friend lives a 3-minute walk away. FML

by car trouble / 10/14/2016 at 4:12am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Transportation

Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't have to sit on campus so long to print it all out. It just got delivered in Arizona today. I live in New York. FML

by wtf / 10/19/2016 at 8:09am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was glad to find out that all the bedbugs have been eaten. Now I have a spider infestation. FML

by dukemisery / 10/01/2016 at 1:34am / Hong Kong / Animals

Today, while checking my voicemail, I noticed I had received one from a job that I've been trying to get in for months. Too bad they called two weeks ago. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2016 at 3:01pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, after months of arguing and conflict, I broke up wIth my fiancé. Or at least, I tried to. The wedding's off, but only until he can convince me to want to marry him again. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2016 at 1:17am / United States / Love

Today, I skipped class and went to back my apartment early. I found that my roommate had broken into my room and was laying in my bed wearing my underwear, taking pictures of herself. Apparently, she's been doing it all semester. FML

by NewRoommateNeededASAP / 10/12/2016 at 9:29pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after creating a swear jar for my son, I came back to find a $20 bill in it and him saying, "How much does that buy?" FML

by padre74 / 10/03/2016 at 1:31pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids