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May 2015

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Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML

#21405064
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33235) - you deserved it (4471)

On 05/05/2015 at 11:13am - intimacy - by baby_trex_arms - United States (California)

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

#21403757
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31047) - you deserved it (4343)

On 05/03/2015 at 3:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was feeling pretty, so I wore a skirt for the first time in years. Two hours later, my thighs hurt from slapping together so much. I no longer feel pretty. FML

#21407700
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28216) - you deserved it (4504)

On 05/10/2015 at 9:47am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

#21406233
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31271) - you deserved it (5249)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by pleasedie - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML

#21408859
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28428) - you deserved it (3807)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:53am - intimacy - by Darryl - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that me switching to "super" sized tampons does not mean I've been having sex with other men with bigger penises, and that my vagina hasn't been "stretched bigger". FML

#21403711
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30696) - you deserved it (2667)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

#21407311
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32806) - you deserved it (2709)

On 05/09/2015 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my mother yelled at me, telling me I'm irresponsible and lecturing me on how I need to "plan ahead like an adult." All because I asked to borrow a tampon. FML

#21408920
131 comments

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

#21403147
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32358) - you deserved it (3395)

On 05/01/2015 at 10:22pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML

#21413610
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23069) - you deserved it (2065)

On 05/21/2015 at 4:41pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to say to my 23-year-old son that it's not a compliment to tell a woman that he wants to jam his cock down her throat. FML

#21405973
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31081) - you deserved it (4279)

On 05/06/2015 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by dadoftheyear (man) - United States

Today, my brother and I had a long argument. He believes wholeheartedly that pineapples are not actually fruits, but berries. When I showed him a google search, he accused me of "faking" it. FML

#21410455
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22683) - you deserved it (3445)

On 05/15/2015 at 9:58am - misc - by Anon - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

#21406510
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28672) - you deserved it (2629)

On 05/07/2015 at 11:23pm - animals - by MyNameIsNotJeff (man) - United States



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