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May 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

#21130490
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41264) - you deserved it (10500)

On 05/04/2014 at 1:17pm - health - by Numbass123 (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I baked a strawberry cake and I didn't have any fresh strawberries for garnish, so I used a can of strawberry pie filling. My neighbors said it looked like the cake was taken from the dumpster behind an abortion clinic. FML

#21146042
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41065) - you deserved it (8067)

On 05/20/2014 at 5:54am - misc - by sothishappened (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

#21133762
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37795) - you deserved it (20068)

On 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

#21138864
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51746) - you deserved it (7006)

On 05/13/2014 at 5:31pm - love - by taintedlover (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom made a Facebook post about me starting my period and for everyone to be nice to me. FML

#21135508
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51584) - you deserved it (4500)

On 05/10/2014 at 9:35am - misc - by ColoredPencil13 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Turns out that bouncers don't think it's a problem for girls to go up on stage and make out with the musicians. FML

#21151747
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43861) - you deserved it (5351)

On 05/25/2014 at 11:34pm - misc - by Anothermoose - United States (California)

Today, I was at a party. Trying to overcome my social anxiety, I was trying to take part in conversations. So, when a girl mentioned she had a doctor's appointment next morning, I blurted out: "What kind of a doctor?" Everyone stared as she responded: "A gynaecologist." FML

#21129433
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37049) - you deserved it (6898)

On 05/03/2014 at 6:38am - health - by cocacola999 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that my daughter was looking for love in all the wrong places, specifically the county jail. FML

Today, I once again had another guy's sweaty crotch pushed into my face. I still don't see why I enjoy wrestling. FML

Today, I was hosting my daughter's thirteenth birthday party. One parent decided to stay at my house, the only parent to do so. The entire night she critiqued every decision I made, from the films to the cake. When it was time to open presents, her kid was the only one without one. FML

#21141320
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46979) - you deserved it (3889)

On 05/15/2014 at 11:15pm - kids - by madbirthdaymomma (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, a customer left a Starbucks card in the tip jar at work. It was empty. I work at Starbucks. FML

Today, out of habit from twelve years of karate classes, I bowed to my teacher as I exited my classroom. My chemistry classroom. FML

#21156297
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40648) - you deserved it (6527)

On 05/29/2014 at 7:32pm - work - by mathesonn - United States (New York)

Today, I realised the only preparation I've done for my final French exam has been wanking off to French porn. FML

#21135849
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22794) - you deserved it (53442)

On 05/10/2014 at 4:52pm - intimacy - by vivelawank - United Kingdom



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