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May 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

#21133762
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40433) - you deserved it (21633)

On 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

#21154464
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50418) - you deserved it (5971)

On 05/28/2014 at 10:21am - love - by needanotherbed - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML

#21127987
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43283) - you deserved it (7440)

On 05/01/2014 at 1:31pm - misc - by booty backfire - United States

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

#21142903
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42057) - you deserved it (6814)

On 05/17/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by her mom raised her (man) - Mexico

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Turns out that bouncers don't think it's a problem for girls to go up on stage and make out with the musicians. FML

#21151747
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47233) - you deserved it (5682)

On 05/25/2014 at 11:34pm - misc - by Anothermoose - United States (California)

Today, I had to once again lie to a customer about why I was the only one manning the shop, saying that they must have run out for lunch - my coworkers were too busy getting stoned in their cars to do their job. FML

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

#21140956
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37012) - you deserved it (58197)

On 05/15/2014 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by FLIPmcCOOL - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I let my sister use my phone to play music in the shower, expecting her to use the speakers I have. She used a ziplock bag with a hole in it to connect her headphones. Now I have a waterlogged phone and my sister still doesn't understand why it didn't work. FML

#21130991
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45864) - you deserved it (7914)

On 05/04/2014 at 11:18pm - misc - by wow. - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw the script for the end of year assembly skit I'm forced to participate in. Looks like on my last day of high school, I'll be running around in a rainbow unicorn costume in front of my entire high school and their parents. FML

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

#21145558
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49695) - you deserved it (5661)

On 05/19/2014 at 8:00pm - kids - by Baby eater - United States (Tennessee)

Today, me and the guy I was dating ran into my sister at the mall. He took one look at her and mumbled, "Great, I chose the ugly one" under his breath. FML

#21137666
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62245) - you deserved it (6016)

On 05/12/2014 at 12:01pm - love - by bambam - United States (Texas)

Today, a customer left a Starbucks card in the tip jar at work. It was empty. I work at Starbucks. FML



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