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May 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

#21131413
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45418) - you deserved it (22641)

On 05/05/2014 at 1:30pm - intimacy - by PCJJacket - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

#21138864
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53029) - you deserved it (7153)

On 05/13/2014 at 5:31pm - love - by taintedlover (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

#21132614
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43583) - you deserved it (3529)

On 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, me and the guy I was dating ran into my sister at the mall. He took one look at her and mumbled, "Great, I chose the ugly one" under his breath. FML

#21137666
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58647) - you deserved it (5687)

On 05/12/2014 at 12:01pm - love - by bambam - United States (Texas)

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

#21133762
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37861) - you deserved it (20110)

On 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

#21147237
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47074) - you deserved it (4032)

On 05/21/2014 at 12:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my wrists were hurting really bad while working the production line. I was told to let my supervisor know so he can help accommodate it. Both supervisors responded by ending my employment there to make sure I don't suffer long term damage. FML

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

#21142903
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39652) - you deserved it (6525)

On 05/17/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by her mom raised her (man) - Mexico

Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML

#21127421
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47171) - you deserved it (6754)

On 04/30/2014 at 7:40pm - intimacy - by FMBs (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I let my sister use my phone to play music in the shower, expecting her to use the speakers I have. She used a ziplock bag with a hole in it to connect her headphones. Now I have a waterlogged phone and my sister still doesn't understand why it didn't work. FML

#21130991
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43380) - you deserved it (7583)

On 05/04/2014 at 11:18pm - misc - by wow. - United States (Illinois)

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

#21140956
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35183) - you deserved it (55429)

On 05/15/2014 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by FLIPmcCOOL - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I saw the script for the end of year assembly skit I'm forced to participate in. Looks like on my last day of high school, I'll be running around in a rainbow unicorn costume in front of my entire high school and their parents. FML

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

#21145558
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45882) - you deserved it (5297)

On 05/19/2014 at 8:00pm - kids - by Baby eater - United States (Tennessee)



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