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May 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

#21158441
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55153) - you deserved it (7672)

On 05/31/2014 at 5:30pm - kids - by idiot says "you raised him" (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML

#21138539
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49901) - you deserved it (4724)

On 05/13/2014 at 9:58am - money - by monkey2069 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

#21147237
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49892) - you deserved it (4241)

On 05/21/2014 at 12:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

#21129797
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49918) - you deserved it (7771)

On 05/03/2014 at 5:10pm - health - by ughhhh - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mom got him a shitload of Axe for his birthday. Now I get nauseous whenever I go near him. FML

#21144192
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44328) - you deserved it (5354)

On 05/18/2014 at 5:21pm - misc - by motherfuck666 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned brood mare." FML

#21144074
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41657) - you deserved it (9807)

On 05/18/2014 at 3:14pm - misc - by Anonyname (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

#21131413
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50527) - you deserved it (25227)

On 05/05/2014 at 1:30pm - intimacy - by PCJJacket - United States (California)

Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML

#21139824
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44676) - you deserved it (16710)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

#21132614
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45674) - you deserved it (3708)

On 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

#21137819
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49863) - you deserved it (6435)

On 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm - misc - by Jarool - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

#21140637
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52662) - you deserved it (4673)

On 05/15/2014 at 1:08pm - health - by bruised_scrotum - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML

#21149457
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45997) - you deserved it (15312)

On 05/23/2014 at 6:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, me and the guy I was dating ran into my sister at the mall. He took one look at her and mumbled, "Great, I chose the ugly one" under his breath. FML

#21137666
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62244) - you deserved it (6016)

On 05/12/2014 at 12:01pm - love - by bambam - United States (Texas)



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