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May 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

#21131413
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49674) - you deserved it (24827)

On 05/05/2014 at 1:30pm - intimacy - by PCJJacket - United States (California)

Today, I went to a restaurant with my friend, where my credit card got denied in front of everyone. The staff teased me and made me sit in the restaurant while my friend begged for money outside. FML

#21138924
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44733) - you deserved it (7826)

On 05/13/2014 at 6:37pm - money - by Harry (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

#21137819
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49070) - you deserved it (6361)

On 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm - misc - by Jarool - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

#21138987
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23626) - you deserved it (67831)

On 05/13/2014 at 7:46pm - health - by ShutTheFuCupcake (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML

#21149457
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45247) - you deserved it (15049)

On 05/23/2014 at 6:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, me and the guy I was dating ran into my sister at the mall. He took one look at her and mumbled, "Great, I chose the ugly one" under his breath. FML

#21137666
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58819) - you deserved it (5696)

On 05/12/2014 at 12:01pm - love - by bambam - United States (Texas)

Today, I accidentally ripped out my boyfriend's insulin pump while trying to give him a lapdance. FML

#21148769
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51875) - you deserved it (16379)

On 05/22/2014 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

#21154464
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49337) - you deserved it (5880)

On 05/28/2014 at 10:21am - love - by needanotherbed - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML

#21137065
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52131) - you deserved it (7212)

On 05/11/2014 at 8:14pm - love - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Hawke's Bay)

Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML

#21127987
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42438) - you deserved it (7331)

On 05/01/2014 at 1:31pm - misc - by booty backfire - United States

Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned brood mare." FML

#21144074
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40858) - you deserved it (9664)

On 05/18/2014 at 3:14pm - misc - by Anonyname (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

#21147237
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47198) - you deserved it (4042)

On 05/21/2014 at 12:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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