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May 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML

#21127987
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40081) - you deserved it (6972)

On 05/01/2014 at 1:31pm - misc - by booty backfire - United States

Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

#21134481
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46833) - you deserved it (6316)

On 05/08/2014 at 11:01pm - kids - by imnotastranger (man) -

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

#21147237
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46956) - you deserved it (4026)

On 05/21/2014 at 12:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a restaurant with my friend, where my credit card got denied in front of everyone. The staff teased me and made me sit in the restaurant while my friend begged for money outside. FML

#21138924
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42048) - you deserved it (7427)

On 05/13/2014 at 6:37pm - money - by Harry (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

#21138987
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22292) - you deserved it (64330)

On 05/13/2014 at 7:46pm - health - by ShutTheFuCupcake (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML

#21138539
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45764) - you deserved it (4319)

On 05/13/2014 at 9:58am - money - by monkey2069 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I accidentally ripped out my boyfriend's insulin pump while trying to give him a lapdance. FML

#21148769
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48081) - you deserved it (15148)

On 05/22/2014 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my girlfriend decided that we won't be having any more sex until I beat her ridiculously high score on Flappy Bird. FML

#21141738
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52356) - you deserved it (7338)

On 05/16/2014 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by (not) fucked - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

#21137819
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46946) - you deserved it (6114)

On 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm - misc - by Jarool - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned brood mare." FML

#21144074
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38894) - you deserved it (9263)

On 05/18/2014 at 3:14pm - misc - by Anonyname (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

#21131413
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45028) - you deserved it (22504)

On 05/05/2014 at 1:30pm - intimacy - by PCJJacket - United States (California)

Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML

#21139824
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41081) - you deserved it (15328)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

#21140637
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49006) - you deserved it (4385)

On 05/15/2014 at 1:08pm - health - by bruised_scrotum - South Africa (Gauteng)



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