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May 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I accidentally ripped out my boyfriend's insulin pump while trying to give him a lapdance. FML

#21148769
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48658) - you deserved it (15265)

On 05/22/2014 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my boyfriend's mom got him a shitload of Axe for his birthday. Now I get nauseous whenever I go near him. FML

#21144192
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41562) - you deserved it (5090)

On 05/18/2014 at 5:21pm - misc - by motherfuck666 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend decided that we won't be having any more sex until I beat her ridiculously high score on Flappy Bird. FML

#21141738
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55490) - you deserved it (7760)

On 05/16/2014 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by (not) fucked - United States (Texas)

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

#21154464
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48992) - you deserved it (5848)

On 05/28/2014 at 10:21am - love - by needanotherbed - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

#21129797
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46569) - you deserved it (7333)

On 05/03/2014 at 5:10pm - health - by ughhhh - United States

Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML

#21137065
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52050) - you deserved it (7209)

On 05/11/2014 at 8:14pm - love - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Hawke's Bay)

Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML

#21138539
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48074) - you deserved it (4553)

On 05/13/2014 at 9:58am - money - by monkey2069 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned brood mare." FML

#21144074
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39310) - you deserved it (9361)

On 05/18/2014 at 3:14pm - misc - by Anonyname (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

#21137819
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47163) - you deserved it (6131)

On 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm - misc - by Jarool - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML

#21139824
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42262) - you deserved it (15810)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

#21132614
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44314) - you deserved it (3597)

On 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

#21140637
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50987) - you deserved it (4568)

On 05/15/2014 at 1:08pm - health - by bruised_scrotum - South Africa (Gauteng)



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