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May 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

#21158441
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52779) - you deserved it (7411)

On 05/31/2014 at 5:30pm - kids - by idiot says "you raised him" (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my neighbor scolded me for "allowing" her son to be bitten by one of my dogs. This would be reasonable, except for the fact that her kid had jumped my fence and tried to steal a rattle out of my daughter's hands. FML

#21133303
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42722) - you deserved it (2777)

On 05/07/2014 at 3:16pm - kids - by Arthur - United States

Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML

#21157319
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42874) - you deserved it (9932)

On 05/30/2014 at 4:37pm - kids - by get a grip, son (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49709) - you deserved it (22294)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband suggested we get divorced, "for tax purposes". FML

#21145215
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49060) - you deserved it (4907)

On 05/19/2014 at 2:43pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I took my son to lunch. After we ate, the waitress came over and told me that my son was the most well-behaved child they had ever had there. His response was to pull his pants down and moon the entire restaurant while smacking his bottom. FML

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

#21142112
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48192) - you deserved it (13645)

On 05/16/2014 at 6:25pm - intimacy - by wtf (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my parents thought it would be a great surprise to accidentally shoot me in the leg for my birthday. FML

#21152462
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49904) - you deserved it (4762)

On 05/26/2014 at 5:18pm - misc - by Birthday Surprise - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

#21134481
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48708) - you deserved it (6521)

On 05/08/2014 at 11:01pm - kids - by imnotastranger (man) -

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to drive to India. Thinking he meant Indiana, I said sure, knowing I have friends there. He said, "Bangladesh, India, here we come!" He was serious. FML

#21128139
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38462) - you deserved it (6842)

On 05/01/2014 at 5:29pm - misc - by GAGirl1 (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided that we won't be having any more sex until I beat her ridiculously high score on Flappy Bird. FML

#21141738
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55599) - you deserved it (7771)

On 05/16/2014 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by (not) fucked - United States (Texas)

Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML

#21149457
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43071) - you deserved it (14298)

On 05/23/2014 at 6:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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