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May 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

#21154562
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47751) - you deserved it (28579)

On 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm - kids - by outsmartedbykids (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, five minutes before closing, a woman came in to buy over $300 worth of clothing from the sales rack. My manager and I had to ring it all up, de-sensor it, fold it, bag it, etc. After it was all rung up, her credit card was declined. FML

Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

#21134481
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49895) - you deserved it (6638)

On 05/08/2014 at 11:01pm - kids - by imnotastranger (man) -

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to drive to India. Thinking he meant Indiana, I said sure, knowing I have friends there. He said, "Bangladesh, India, here we come!" He was serious. FML

#21128139
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38583) - you deserved it (6858)

On 05/01/2014 at 5:29pm - misc - by GAGirl1 (woman) - United States

Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML

#21134153
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17511) - you deserved it (70807)

On 05/08/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

#21158441
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54321) - you deserved it (7578)

On 05/31/2014 at 5:30pm - kids - by idiot says "you raised him" (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I spent an hour explaining to a college student how you could have a baby and not be married. He still doesn't get it. FML

#21131094
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43265) - you deserved it (4364)

On 05/05/2014 at 1:07am - misc - by melmel (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend decided that we won't be having any more sex until I beat her ridiculously high score on Flappy Bird. FML

#21141738
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55637) - you deserved it (7779)

On 05/16/2014 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by (not) fucked - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

#21129797
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48833) - you deserved it (7661)

On 05/03/2014 at 5:10pm - health - by ughhhh - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mom got him a shitload of Axe for his birthday. Now I get nauseous whenever I go near him. FML

#21144192
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43549) - you deserved it (5295)

On 05/18/2014 at 5:21pm - misc - by motherfuck666 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML

#21138539
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48130) - you deserved it (4558)

On 05/13/2014 at 9:58am - money - by monkey2069 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49725) - you deserved it (22306)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML

#21157319
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43796) - you deserved it (10147)

On 05/30/2014 at 4:37pm - kids - by get a grip, son (man) - United States (Georgia)



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