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May 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my neighbor scolded me for "allowing" her son to be bitten by one of my dogs. This would be reasonable, except for the fact that her kid had jumped my fence and tried to steal a rattle out of my daughter's hands. FML

#21133303
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42318) - you deserved it (2757)

On 05/07/2014 at 3:16pm - kids - by Arthur - United States

Today, I took my son to lunch. After we ate, the waitress came over and told me that my son was the most well-behaved child they had ever had there. His response was to pull his pants down and moon the entire restaurant while smacking his bottom. FML

Today, at work I had to explain to a client that male dogs can wear red collars and it doesn't make them "gay". The client then got angry and stormed out of the store, causing me to get written up. FML

#21153154
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41928) - you deserved it (4388)

On 05/27/2014 at 7:15am - animals - by Holyguacamoly (woman) - Iceland

Today, my parents thought it would be a great surprise to accidentally shoot me in the leg for my birthday. FML

#21152462
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47397) - you deserved it (4546)

On 05/26/2014 at 5:18pm - misc - by Birthday Surprise - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

#21129797
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46297) - you deserved it (7295)

On 05/03/2014 at 5:10pm - health - by ughhhh - United States

Today, a customer asked me how long our 6-inch sandwich was. FML

#21136526
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42625) - you deserved it (4585)

On 05/11/2014 at 10:46am - work - by Makeitdance - United States (California)

Today, my husband suggested we get divorced, "for tax purposes". FML

#21145215
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47396) - you deserved it (4756)

On 05/19/2014 at 2:43pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57) - you deserved it (17988)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

#21137819
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46546) - you deserved it (6071)

On 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm - misc - by Jarool - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

#21138987
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22270) - you deserved it (64231)

On 05/13/2014 at 7:46pm - health - by ShutTheFuCupcake (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend's mom got him a shitload of Axe for his birthday. Now I get nauseous whenever I go near him. FML

#21144192
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41198) - you deserved it (5057)

On 05/18/2014 at 5:21pm - misc - by motherfuck666 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to drive to India. Thinking he meant Indiana, I said sure, knowing I have friends there. He said, "Bangladesh, India, here we come!" He was serious. FML

#21128139
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36055) - you deserved it (6469)

On 05/01/2014 at 5:29pm - misc - by GAGirl1 (woman) - United States

Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML

#21127987
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40020) - you deserved it (6967)

On 05/01/2014 at 1:31pm - misc - by booty backfire - United States



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