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May 2014

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Today, I spent an hour explaining to a college student how you could have a baby and not be married. He still doesn't get it. FML

#21131094
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40993) - you deserved it (4148)

On 05/05/2014 at 1:07am - misc - by melmel (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my neighbor scolded me for "allowing" her son to be bitten by one of my dogs. This would be reasonable, except for the fact that her kid had jumped my fence and tried to steal a rattle out of my daughter's hands. FML

#21133303
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42515) - you deserved it (2768)

On 05/07/2014 at 3:16pm - kids - by Arthur - United States

Today, I took my son to lunch. After we ate, the waitress came over and told me that my son was the most well-behaved child they had ever had there. His response was to pull his pants down and moon the entire restaurant while smacking his bottom. FML

Today, my parents thought it would be a great surprise to accidentally shoot me in the leg for my birthday. FML

#21152462
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48438) - you deserved it (4637)

On 05/26/2014 at 5:18pm - misc - by Birthday Surprise - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

#21129797
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46436) - you deserved it (7317)

On 05/03/2014 at 5:10pm - health - by ughhhh - United States

Today, my husband suggested we get divorced, "for tax purposes". FML

#21145215
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48146) - you deserved it (4830)

On 05/19/2014 at 2:43pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (461) - you deserved it (18971)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a customer asked me how long our 6-inch sandwich was. FML

#21136526
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42728) - you deserved it (4598)

On 05/11/2014 at 10:46am - work - by Makeitdance - United States (California)

Today, I took my driving test. I had pulled out of my three point turn in a neighborhood and started driving again, thinking something wasn't quite right. The lady testing me looked over at me and said, "Sweetie, you're driving on the wrong side of the road." FML

#21150097
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38907) - you deserved it (18904)

On 05/24/2014 at 11:22am - misc - by Lindsey (woman) - United States

Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

#21134481
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46935) - you deserved it (6321)

On 05/08/2014 at 11:01pm - kids - by imnotastranger (man) -

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to drive to India. Thinking he meant Indiana, I said sure, knowing I have friends there. He said, "Bangladesh, India, here we come!" He was serious. FML

#21128139
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36782) - you deserved it (6591)

On 05/01/2014 at 5:29pm - misc - by GAGirl1 (woman) - United States

Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML

#21127987
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40152) - you deserved it (6980)

On 05/01/2014 at 1:31pm - misc - by booty backfire - United States



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