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May 2014

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Today, my neighbor scolded me for "allowing" her son to be bitten by one of my dogs. This would be reasonable, except for the fact that her kid had jumped my fence and tried to steal a rattle out of my daughter's hands. FML

#21133303
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42550) - you deserved it (2769)

On 05/07/2014 at 3:16pm - kids - by Arthur - United States

Today, I took my son to lunch. After we ate, the waitress came over and told me that my son was the most well-behaved child they had ever had there. His response was to pull his pants down and moon the entire restaurant while smacking his bottom. FML

Today, my husband suggested we get divorced, "for tax purposes". FML

#21145215
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48920) - you deserved it (4901)

On 05/19/2014 at 2:43pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

#21142112
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47926) - you deserved it (13603)

On 05/16/2014 at 6:25pm - intimacy - by wtf (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my parents thought it would be a great surprise to accidentally shoot me in the leg for my birthday. FML

#21152462
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48785) - you deserved it (4676)

On 05/26/2014 at 5:18pm - misc - by Birthday Surprise - United States (Georgia)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (512) - you deserved it (19016)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

#21129797
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46486) - you deserved it (7319)

On 05/03/2014 at 5:10pm - health - by ughhhh - United States

Today, a customer asked me how long our 6-inch sandwich was. FML

#21136526
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42772) - you deserved it (4600)

On 05/11/2014 at 10:46am - work - by Makeitdance - United States (California)

Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

#21154562
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47617) - you deserved it (28481)

On 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm - kids - by outsmartedbykids (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

#21134481
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46979) - you deserved it (6323)

On 05/08/2014 at 11:01pm - kids - by imnotastranger (man) -

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to drive to India. Thinking he meant Indiana, I said sure, knowing I have friends there. He said, "Bangladesh, India, here we come!" He was serious. FML

#21128139
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37253) - you deserved it (6668)

On 05/01/2014 at 5:29pm - misc - by GAGirl1 (woman) - United States

Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML

#21127987
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40190) - you deserved it (6983)

On 05/01/2014 at 1:31pm - misc - by booty backfire - United States



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