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December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took my cat to the vet's. When the vet took her temperature anally, I couldn't stop laughing. The vet had to ask me to leave the room. FML

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I feel. She instantly burst out laughing and said "A crush? Dude, what are you, 12?! Hahaha!" FML

#20993484
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45822) - you deserved it (6065)

On 12/15/2013 at 2:16pm - love - by um...no? i don't think so anyway (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

#21001045
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56599) - you deserved it (16238)

On 12/22/2013 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got written up at work for clocking back in from lunch early. Yesterday I got a verbal warning for coming back late. I'm scared to go to lunch at all now. FML

#21007096
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42044) - you deserved it (4503)

On 12/27/2013 at 9:01am - work - by Hungry (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my bandmate and I decided to propose to our girlfriends, who are also in the band, at the same time in the middle of a concert. His girlfriend said yes. Mine ran off the stage crying. FML

#20978799
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53781) - you deserved it (6216)

On 12/02/2013 at 10:42pm - love - by rock'n roller (man) -

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument while driving home from visiting family. We pulled into a gas station, and I went inside to grab a drink and cool down. When I came back out, both car and boyfriend were nowhere in sight. It was my car. FML

Today, a DJ friend of mine offered me a part in one of his tracks. I was flattered, and accepted. All I ended up singing was, "I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch" over and over again in the background. FML

#21008243
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41008) - you deserved it (7102) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/28/2013 at 9:46am - misc - by Cacahuete (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I introduced my dad, who is a surgeon, to the TV show House. I thought it'd be a good bonding experience. How wrong I was. He spent the whole time yelling about the "insane" medical inaccuracies, then lectured me about my crappy taste in TV. FML

#21011680
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37406) - you deserved it (9720)

On 12/31/2013 at 3:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

#21011655
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39935) - you deserved it (22378)

On 12/31/2013 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

#20982965
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56070) - you deserved it (5827)

On 12/06/2013 at 4:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML

#20999316
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46146) - you deserved it (2764)

On 12/20/2013 at 4:05pm - misc - by nopissleft (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on the hips, and a long, sock-like nose. She has no idea they're meant for a guy. FML

#20989013
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54038) - you deserved it (5205)

On 12/11/2013 at 3:14pm - intimacy - by ElephantLover (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my OCD has got so bad that I took over 10 pictures of my house's power outlets before leaving, just so I could view them later to reassure myself that no appliances were plugged in. FML



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