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December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

#20984907
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47269) - you deserved it (3890)

On 12/08/2013 at 11:49am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while looking for some socks in my mom's dresser, I found a male g-string and an edible bra. FML

#20996935
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42840) - you deserved it (16103)

On 12/18/2013 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by Rob (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time, after he repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me. He passed out halfway through. FML

#21002524
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51328) - you deserved it (6147)

On 12/23/2013 at 2:13pm - intimacy - by JoshuasGirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

#21008605
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48985) - you deserved it (3902)

On 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonomous - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was looking for a job. I was so desperate for gas money to drive around town that I had to steal $20 from my sister. She's only 10 years old. FML

#20997840
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38368) - you deserved it (21578)

On 12/19/2013 at 8:12am - money - by tp2014 - United States (Georgia)

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees. For some reason, everybody pronounce it "your anus". FML

#21003362
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40819) - you deserved it (5614)

On 12/24/2013 at 5:45am - misc - by yarenis - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML

#20977509
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44362) - you deserved it (5512)

On 12/01/2013 at 9:50pm - kids - by no she wasn't high - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a party organised by my ex. I was the last to sit down, after looking at the nametags on all 50+ chairs. That's how I realised the chair labelled "Fuckface" was mine; the one located between her parents' seats. FML

#21006556
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39386) - you deserved it (9222) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/26/2013 at 6:50pm - misc - by Puick (man) - France (Centre)

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

#20998964
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52343) - you deserved it (4230)

On 12/20/2013 at 9:51am - misc - by oh why... (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to write him a poem, as I am an avid writer. Happily, I agreed. After hours of working, I proudly presented it to him. He read it, laughed, and said, "No babe, I meant a real poem." Maybe I should rethink my career choice. FML

#20977444
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40351) - you deserved it (4189)

On 12/01/2013 at 8:57pm - love - by bad poet (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

#20992530
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45445) - you deserved it (3734)

On 12/14/2013 at 5:39pm - misc - by bnc (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me during a funeral. FML

#20999827
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49232) - you deserved it (4292)

On 12/21/2013 at 1:26am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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