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December 2013

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Today, I went to a party organised by my ex. I was the last to sit down, after looking at the nametags on all 50+ chairs. That's how I realised the chair labelled "Fuckface" was mine; the one located between her parents' seats. FML

#21006556
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40889) - you deserved it (9466) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/26/2013 at 6:50pm - misc - by Puick (man) - France (Centre)

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

#20993307
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45885) - you deserved it (6610)

On 12/15/2013 at 11:58am - animals - by Cat Piss - United States (Texas)

Today, while on my way to work, an elderly woman complimented me on my breast cancer scarf. I explained that my grandmother made one for all her female grandchildren before passing away two years ago. The woman then went psycho and almost strangled me in an attempt to steal it. FML

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

#20986479
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60028) - you deserved it (5116)

On 12/09/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by igotpride - United States

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a creepy-looking guy watching me. When I got up from the equipment, I noticed that he sniffed the seat. I didn't say anything the first time. After he did it the second time, I asked him to stop. He bent down and sniffed it without breaking eye contact. FML

#20996147
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49314) - you deserved it (3661)

On 12/17/2013 at 6:48pm - misc - by gymgirl - United States (Texas)

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52949) - you deserved it (9605)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

#21007608
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44341) - you deserved it (5720)

On 12/27/2013 at 8:37pm - animals - by eyes wide SHIT (woman) - Australia

Today, I was looking for a job. I was so desperate for gas money to drive around town that I had to steal $20 from my sister. She's only 10 years old. FML

#20997840
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39051) - you deserved it (22061)

On 12/19/2013 at 8:12am - money - by tp2014 - United States (Georgia)

Today, it's my 21st birthday. All my friends and family said they were busy so I figured I was getting a surprise party. Nope. They all were actually busy. I spent my birthday alone. FML

#21000068
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51355) - you deserved it (4193)

On 12/21/2013 at 10:46am - misc - by 00bsg - United States (Connecticut)

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

#20985559
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53186) - you deserved it (5043)

On 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by mistletoe (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML

#20984084
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68279) - you deserved it (5700)

On 12/07/2013 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by mystery - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I got the ending to Breaking Bad spoiled for me by a cashier while I was buying the final season box-set. FML

#20979412
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44898) - you deserved it (4091)

On 12/03/2013 at 2:45pm - misc - by nemesis5196523 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I discovered the real reason my husband was distraught last week and has been acting moodily ever since. An attractive girl he was secretly having sex chats with online confessed to him that "she" was actually a guy. FML

#21007435
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47979) - you deserved it (4403)

On 12/27/2013 at 4:49pm - love - by -__- (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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