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December 2013

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Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on the hips, and a long, sock-like nose. She has no idea they're meant for a guy. FML

by ElephantLover / 12/11/2013 at 3:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my OCD has got so bad that I took over 10 pictures of my house's power outlets before leaving, just so I could view them later to reassure myself that no appliances were plugged in. FML

Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML

by butterfingers / 12/06/2013 at 2:08am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, while having sex with my husband, we had to move around our cat during position changes. Our cat controls our sex life. FML

by anon / 12/02/2013 at 11:26pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, my husband learned that if he asks me a question while I am dead asleep my answer will most likely be "Yes". Incidentally, I now have a new cat. FML

Today, my boyfriend of five years got me a ring for Christmas. When I opened it, I was speechless and overjoyed. He then said, "It's just a ring. It doesn't mean anything." FML

by Wtfbro / 12/24/2013 at 3:30pm / United States / Love

Today, I discovered that my stepbrother has been telling his friends that I'm his girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend sent her new boyfriend over to my place to break up with me for her. FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2013 at 4:53pm / New Zealand (Hawke's Bay) / Love

Today, I got the DVD back from a dance concert I did. After watching it, I realised that I had a camel toe through the whole thing. Three and a half hours. FML

by Aggie_De / 12/14/2013 at 7:00am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, while delivering pizzas, someone ordered $19.41 in pizza and wings. After finally finding her appartment, she paid me in two sandwich bags full of pennies and nickels. I had to count them out before giving her the pizza. We aren't allowed to enter the residence, and it was 22 degrees. FML

by JudasThePriest / 12/01/2013 at 2:42am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, while sitting in a handicapped seat on the bus, an old man angrily approached me and chewed me out in front of everyone for not leaving the seat empty for "those who actually need it." Then he stormed off the bus, stepping heavily on my broken foot. FML

by candidcripple / 12/30/2013 at 12:57am / United States / Health

Today, marks my third day of school being closed due to snow. One, and only one, of the teachers has decided that we have to do work online in the meantime. I just so happen to be in three of his classes. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2013 at 12:26pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I discovered my mom has been using my credit card to buy everyone's Christmas presents. FML

by anonymous / 12/17/2013 at 12:02am / United States (Minnesota) / Money