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December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while on my way to work, an elderly woman complimented me on my breast cancer scarf. I explained that my grandmother made one for all her female grandchildren before passing away two years ago. The woman then went psycho and almost strangled me in an attempt to steal it. FML

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a creepy-looking guy watching me. When I got up from the equipment, I noticed that he sniffed the seat. I didn't say anything the first time. After he did it the second time, I asked him to stop. He bent down and sniffed it without breaking eye contact. FML

#20996147
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47519) - you deserved it (3507)

On 12/17/2013 at 6:48pm - misc - by gymgirl - United States (Texas)

Today, while looking for some socks in my mom's dresser, I found a male g-string and an edible bra. FML

#20996935
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42048) - you deserved it (15877)

On 12/18/2013 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by Rob (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML

#20985898
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47933) - you deserved it (7417)

On 12/09/2013 at 12:52am - kids - by Nofoodcoloringisnotasubstituteforfood (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was looking for a job. I was so desperate for gas money to drive around town that I had to steal $20 from my sister. She's only 10 years old. FML

#20997840
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37244) - you deserved it (20774)

On 12/19/2013 at 8:12am - money - by tp2014 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

#20998964
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52322) - you deserved it (4227)

On 12/20/2013 at 9:51am - misc - by oh why... (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to write him a poem, as I am an avid writer. Happily, I agreed. After hours of working, I proudly presented it to him. He read it, laughed, and said, "No babe, I meant a real poem." Maybe I should rethink my career choice. FML

#20977444
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40340) - you deserved it (4184)

On 12/01/2013 at 8:57pm - love - by bad poet (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML

#20984084
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65290) - you deserved it (5419)

On 12/07/2013 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by mystery - United States (North Dakota)

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

#20985559
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52030) - you deserved it (4927)

On 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by mistletoe (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

#20982965
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51308) - you deserved it (5342)

On 12/06/2013 at 4:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

#20984907
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45378) - you deserved it (3716)

On 12/08/2013 at 11:49am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

#21008990
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27118) - you deserved it (55797)

On 12/29/2013 at 2:01am - kids - by ConfusedDad - United States

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees. For some reason, everybody pronounce it "your anus". FML

#21003362
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40408) - you deserved it (5549)

On 12/24/2013 at 5:45am - misc - by yarenis - United States (Massachusetts)



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