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December 2013

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Today, I had to tell McDonald's that my 11-year-old son thought it would be funny to take a dump in the urinal. I then had to clean it up. FML

by failedfather / 12/16/2013 at 11:34am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML

by confsused / 12/16/2013 at 12:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was verbally abused by a tourist because neither I nor anyone else in my country can speak "proper English". We're in England - clue's in the name, dipshit. FML

by Kayak / 12/29/2013 at 6:23pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized how bad my depression has gotten when I caught myself fantasizing about suicide while having sex with my husband. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2013 at 2:55am / Intimacy

Today, I had to explain to half of my class that yes, my birthday is on the same day as Hitler's, but no, it does not make me a Nazi. FML

by happy birthday to me / 12/05/2013 at 12:14am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2013 at 2:38am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my husband and I were fighting over money. As we were arguing, our 13 year old daughter stole $250 dollars from my purse. FML

by rainastartree / 12/23/2013 at 4:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, I took my younger sister to see Santa for a photo. Santa insisted that I was in the photo too. I wasn't sure why he made such a big deal about it until he groped me while the photo was being taken. FML

Today, my cousin started sending sarcastic love messages to me. I replied, with even cheesier lines. Then she rang me saying she was so glad I felt the same way. Turns out she wasn't being sarcastic. FML

by wth? / 12/13/2013 at 10:10am / United Kingdom (Rotherham) / Love

Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML

by [...] / 12/12/2013 at 9:28am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Kids

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

by bella / 12/07/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

by Awkward / 12/04/2013 at 5:29pm / United States (Washington) / Kids