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October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

#20902425
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45748) - you deserved it (3383)

On 09/30/2013 at 7:54pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

#20903328
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43197) - you deserved it (5477)

On 10/01/2013 at 1:32pm - animals - by NestHead (woman) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, during parent/teacher conferences, my mom told my Chemistry teacher that I have an intense crush on him. There are still 7 months left in the school year. FML

#20930913
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47006) - you deserved it (4829)

On 10/23/2013 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got kicked out of English class shortly after our teacher told us we have to write an essay on how the storyline of Harry Potter is one big allegory for "the futility of socialism." Apparently, reacting with disbelief makes me a "disruptive influence." FML

#20905920
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34084) - you deserved it (3501)

On 10/03/2013 at 12:42pm - misc - by WTF? (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

#20933932
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44144) - you deserved it (6658)

On 10/25/2013 at 9:50pm - animals - by kiwibox - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML

#20917413
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40340) - you deserved it (4487)

On 10/12/2013 at 9:19am - love - by oink oink... - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized how bad my OCD is when I accidentally got a paper cut and I was annoyed by the fact that the cut wasn't in a straight line. FML

#20927328
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42034) - you deserved it (6273)

On 10/20/2013 at 10:34am - health - by Teiu88 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire power point based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

#20925040
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37886) - you deserved it (3795)

On 10/18/2013 at 10:29am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at the dentist. I ended up having some work done and left with a numb mouth. I have school pictures in less than 2 hours and I can neither smile nor stop drooling everywhere. FML

#20920258
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43022) - you deserved it (6526)

On 10/14/2013 at 3:32pm - health - by soccer_bball (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband and I were watching Jurassic Park. At the end of the movie, he commented on how amazed he was that they could "train those dinosaurs" to do exactly what they wanted them to do. FML

#20937890
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46802) - you deserved it (5061)

On 10/29/2013 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

#20936339
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45214) - you deserved it (3138)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

#20910543
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43399) - you deserved it (7303)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by Ashley - United States (California)

Today, I got dumped because a guy sat next to me at a party and I didn't get up to change seats. Apparently, it means I subconsciously like the guy who sat down. FML

#20919316
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41993) - you deserved it (3753)

On 10/13/2013 at 8:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)



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