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October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was playing soccer when a player kicked the ball at my crotch. In pain, I kneeled down. The referee came up to me and whispered, "The smaller they are, the more it hurts." FML

#20911508
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42828) - you deserved it (3711)

On 10/07/2013 at 8:21pm - misc - by Agax (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up, got dressed, and left for the 1 hour drive to the nearest vet. When I arrived, I realized that I left my cat in its carrier on my kitchen counter. FML

#20908268
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40512) - you deserved it (24656)

On 10/05/2013 at 12:00pm - animals - by wasted_gas - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got my daughter's school pictures. Instead of smiling, she did the duck face. She's 6. FML

#20912722
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48733) - you deserved it (7959)

On 10/08/2013 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML

#20917413
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42139) - you deserved it (4677)

On 10/12/2013 at 9:19am - love - by oink oink... - United States (Texas)

Today, during parent/teacher conferences, my mom told my Chemistry teacher that I have an intense crush on him. There are still 7 months left in the school year. FML

#20930913
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49127) - you deserved it (5044)

On 10/23/2013 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML

#20940427
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49889) - you deserved it (3337)

On 10/31/2013 at 4:42pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

#20913049
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44328) - you deserved it (4763)

On 10/08/2013 at 9:19pm - kids - by Allycat (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked into a really fancy hotel bathroom. I spoke to the attendant and gave her my purse and coat while I used the toilet. When I came out, she was gone. The receptionist informed me they didn't have a bathroom attendant. FML

#20905582
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25219) - you deserved it (48941)

On 10/03/2013 at 1:41am - money - by wellcrap - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working behind the bar at a club. After serving drinks to a guy, he asked me if I could carry them outside to the two girls waiting for him. I scowled at him and told him I wasn't a waitress. That's when I realised he had one arm. FML

#20910594
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22978) - you deserved it (53363)

On 10/07/2013 at 3:37am - work - by bitch (woman) - Australia

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57222) - you deserved it (9768)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, my boyfriend's dad said he'd given my boyfriend £100 to take me out for a meal last night and he hoped I'd enjoyed it. Last night my boyfriend and I went to pizza hut, shared a pizza and split the bill. Turns out my boyfriend had simply pocketed the money without telling anyone. FML

#20903132
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48329) - you deserved it (3816)

On 10/01/2013 at 8:32am - love - by hmmm (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I had to take my boyfriend to the emergency room to get stitches from cutting his arm during sex. I sat there while he explained to the doctor how it was the best orgasm ever. FML

#20924645
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49528) - you deserved it (6762)

On 10/17/2013 at 11:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

#20932595
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50687) - you deserved it (5958)

On 10/24/2013 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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