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October 2013

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Today, my coworker convinced a little girl that teddy bears are actually the bodies of dead baby bears. I work at Build-a-Bear-Workshop, and we were working a 4-year-old's birthday party. FML

by TeddyBearKiller / 10/06/2013 at 9:11pm / United States / Kids

Today, I finally decided to stand up for myself and quit my crappy job working for my abusive father. I gave him a few insults too, to which he reacted by calling the police and claiming I'd threatened to murder him. I spent three hours in jail before they finally let me go. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, after watching an episode of New Girl, my boyfriend became obsessed with the "Cotton-eyed Joe" song. He won't stop playing it. FML

by Annoyed / 10/03/2013 at 10:56pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I asked my friend to crop me out of her profile picture on Facebook because I look terrible in it. She responded that she wasn't going to, because it made her look better. FML

by Anon / 10/09/2013 at 1:21am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the doctor to see why my walking pneumonia wasn't getting any better. It had. I've just somehow managed to also contract mono... while sitting home, alone. FML

by BadLuck / 10/27/2013 at 10:30am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

by fed up/turned off / 10/02/2013 at 1:47am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, the person I've been trying so hard to get with wrote me a beautiful poem that almost everyone at my school saw and liked. It was about how we'd never be together. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2013 at 8:17am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I took my car to be repaired. The mechanic put out his hand when he saw me, so I shook it. He just wanted my keys. FML

by keyshame / 10/10/2013 at 1:22am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell asleep while at the beach with friends. Someone thought it would be funny to put chunks of bread on and around my junk. Seagulls have sharp beaks. FML

by zzfreakshow / 10/14/2013 at 8:16pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, when I locked my newly repaired bike up, I carefully took the new rear light off it so that nobody could steal said light. Somebody stole my bike. At least I have a red light to play with. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2013 at 2:31am / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered my 10 month old is terrified of my laugh. Every time I start to laugh, she screams in terror. It's getting depressing. FML

by easily amused / 10/12/2013 at 1:40am / United States / Kids

Today, I repeatedly had to ask people to please stop groping the mannequins. FML

by WhyMe6495 / 10/06/2013 at 6:28pm / United States (New York) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at work, I had a customer accuse me of taking the giftcard I had issued her for her return, after spending 15 minutes trying to fix her screwed up transaction. She began to yell, and follow me around the store. Security had to intervene and I had to be locked in an office until she left. FML

by KatieElizabeth / 10/27/2013 at 12:57am / United States (California) / Work