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Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML
TODAY, I GAVE MAH DAUGHTER THE SEX TALK . BARELY 10 MINUTES LATER, HER PUBLIC FACEBOOK STATUS READ: "MY MOM'S A TOTAL PEDO." AN AFTER SHE MENTIONED THE TALK, HER FRIEND POSTED, "THAT'S SEXUAL HARASSMENT . YOU CAN SUE 4 THAT." CLERELY I'VE FAILED AS A PARENT .
Today... I was at an amusement park with kids... when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants an started groping him. I politely asked her to stop... to which she snorted... ( Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds an bees somehow. ) real FML
TODAY, I WENT TO MY DAD, HOPING TO CONFESS SOMETHING TO HIM. HE QUICKLY SAID THAT IF I'D GOT MY GRLFRIEND PREGNANT, HE'D KILL ME. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. I HAD TO MAKE UP A LIE INSTEAD ABOUT STEALING $50 FROM HIS WALLET ONCE AS A KID, WHICH HE THEN DEMANDED I PAY BACK IN FULL. REAL FML
Today... I was buying ingredient for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers... when an elderly lady cummed up to me an murmured... ( Make sure u use lots of lube... or that'll hurt. Been there... sweetheret. ) What the HELL? FML
Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML
Today, I finally worked up te courage to write a grl a note, wit ma number on it, and te words: ( You're stunning . Get in touc sometime . ) Heart pounding, I saw er, got up, and passed er te note . Ten I passed out at er feet . FML
Today..!! I was visiting cousin's farm!! Going out fir a morning stroll..!! I took an apple with me to munch along the way!! As I was eating it..!! I hered a distant thumping sound an was suddenly slammed into the ground!! When I looked up..!! a horse was eating apple!! I got mugged by a horse!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015