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August 2013

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Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

#20828908
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50868) - you deserved it (4507)

On 08/09/2013 at 10:54am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered it had been broken into. Nothing of value was taken. My window was busted in just for a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and my car ash tray. FML

#20833889
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40132) - you deserved it (6421)

On 08/12/2013 at 2:54pm - misc - by amayasoma - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my mum picked up a bunch of tissues that were scattered around my room. She examined them, then asked me to stop wasting her potential grandchildren. FML

#20825949
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49491) - you deserved it (40465)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the 3 books. FML

#20845941
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41156) - you deserved it (3970)

On 08/20/2013 at 4:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, someone told me that my initials really fit my personality. I took it as a strange compliment, until I realized my initials spell "ew". FML

#20832005
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43704) - you deserved it (4193)

On 08/11/2013 at 9:09am - misc - by ew - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I enlisted in the military. My dad now finds it necessary to act like a drill sergeant. This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me for basic training. Training begins in four months. FML

#20830066
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41651) - you deserved it (6301)

On 08/10/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, a customer wanted a military discount for buying two 39 cent Slim Jims. I work at an auto parts store. FML

#20854690
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34687) - you deserved it (3289)

On 08/26/2013 at 1:51am - work - by luvmypony (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML

#20827779
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46337) - you deserved it (6211)

On 08/08/2013 at 7:03pm - kids - by JuggaloSlasher15 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML

#20817944
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54902) - you deserved it (5221)

On 08/03/2013 at 12:01am - intimacy - by tigger2013 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML

#20827542
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62796) - you deserved it (4682)

On 08/08/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

#20829995
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59351) - you deserved it (5428)

On 08/10/2013 at 12:02am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML

#20830853
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59988) - you deserved it (3217)

On 08/10/2013 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML

#20852966
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47771) - you deserved it (4148)

On 08/24/2013 at 10:46pm - kids - by pda (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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