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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

#20847973
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50379) - you deserved it (6793)

On 08/21/2013 at 2:58pm - animals - by mykhael (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML

#20847705
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39019) - you deserved it (23231)

On 08/21/2013 at 11:17am - misc - by Loser (man) - United States

Today, my 12-year-old son was shot in the foot. After hours of not talking, including to the police, he finally told us that his friend accidentally shot him with his dad's gun, and that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to "lose any street cred by snitching." FML

#20836449
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49807) - you deserved it (6112)

On 08/14/2013 at 12:26am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my boyfriend that, due to my low self-confidence, all my bras are push-ups. He yelled, "EVERYTHING I KNEW IS A LIE" and stormed out. FML

#20850669
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43499) - you deserved it (10830)

On 08/23/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my sister announced that she and her boyfriend are getting married. Her boyfriend is my husband. We're not even legally divorced yet. FML

#20857902
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64800) - you deserved it (3888)

On 08/28/2013 at 1:47pm - love - by still together (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I bought a cat. Somehow that cat is now stuck inside my antique piano. I have to break the piano to get her out. FML

Today, I came home a little earlier than usual, only to walk in on my dad frantically trying to remove a ballgag from my mom's mouth. FML

#20822450
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50834) - you deserved it (4828)

On 08/05/2013 at 5:42pm - misc - by NO NO NO (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, my little brother grabbed my boobs and wouldn't let go until I pried his hands off. When I told my mom, her response was, "Get over it. He's a little kid who doesn't know any better." He's 14 years old. FML

#20848790
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52940) - you deserved it (3301)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:48am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

#20820496
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67195) - you deserved it (8852)

On 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

#20825465
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56096) - you deserved it (4914)

On 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm - misc - by shampoomice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a child was choking in the store I work at. He was alone in the aisle, so I started the Heimlich without his parents' permission. After dislodging what was caught, his mother turned the corner and went screaming to my manager for touching her kid. I got a write up. FML

#20839746
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51643) - you deserved it (3005)

On 08/16/2013 at 1:02am - kids - by justwantingtohelp - United States (Michigan)

Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML

#20829596
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42791) - you deserved it (7173)

On 08/09/2013 at 7:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

#20817205
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46376) - you deserved it (25291)

On 08/02/2013 at 3:44pm - intimacy - by fuck but no fuck (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)



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