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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went on a new medicine. One of the listed side-effects was "anal seepage" and I spent the better part of the day laughing with my coworkers about how it's "not a real side-effect". I found out that it really is while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way home. FML

#20839551
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42399) - you deserved it (9928)

On 08/15/2013 at 11:18pm - health - by stinky car - United States (Alabama)

Today, I showed the kids I was babysitting a picture of my daughter, and the little girl asked, "You have a baby in your belly?" I said, "No, she's not in my belly anymore," and the little girl replied, "But it's BIG," and patted my stomach. FML

#20817997
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47097) - you deserved it (8212)

On 08/03/2013 at 12:29am - kids - by kimm1993 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

#20844605
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43481) - you deserved it (3688)

On 08/19/2013 at 12:00pm - misc - by FamilyLoving - United States (New York)

Today, I went to my high school reunion. Someone walked up to me and said, "Wow, you look so different!" She then followed it up with, "You used to be so pretty, what happened?" FML

#20849795
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42396) - you deserved it (3335)

On 08/22/2013 at 7:40pm - misc - by Ugly (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I turned 17. My parents completely forgot it was my birthday, and when I reminded them, my dad thought it was my 18th. He was ecstatic and mentioned that I can "finally get the hell out." FML

#20816873
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51658) - you deserved it (3325)

On 08/02/2013 at 11:29am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, to help with my insomnia, I downloaded some relaxing rain MP3s and set them to loop. For the first time in ages, I fell asleep within minutes. Somewhere around 5, however, the sound of trickling water caused my bladder to empty itself all over my bed. FML

#20832201
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45903) - you deserved it (6539)

On 08/11/2013 at 1:24pm - misc - by just about pissed off (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, my mom bitched me out for not driving my little brother to school this morning. The reason I didn't is that some assfuck decided to slash my tires overnight. She was well aware of this fact. FML

#20859259
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45612) - you deserved it (2604)

On 08/29/2013 at 1:37pm - misc - by hope they slash you next, mom - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML

#20860538
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47283) - you deserved it (3926)

On 08/30/2013 at 4:31pm - money - by -_- (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML

#20858925
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39081) - you deserved it (2605)

On 08/29/2013 at 5:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML

#20819263
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46620) - you deserved it (7027)

On 08/03/2013 at 8:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was flirting with a cute bartender on my last day in Spain. It was going well until we somehow got onto the topic of how I was recently dumped by my boyfriend of 3 years via Facebook. He spent the next 5 minutes laughing and telling his coworkers how hilarious that was. FML

#20831150
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42537) - you deserved it (8764)

On 08/10/2013 at 7:41pm - misc - by selfesteemloss (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)

Today, I was to give a business report to several important shareholders. Right at the start, I broke into a coughing fit, then got so nervous that I froze up. When I tried to excuse myself, I tripped over my own feet. I'm now facing demotion for making the company look bad. FML

#20843443
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41583) - you deserved it (5454)

On 08/18/2013 at 5:23pm - work - by socianx (man) - Albania

Today, my wackjob roommate decided to sit next to me on the couch, basically make out with her pet rabbit, and baby-talk to it. Key highlights involved giggling while the bunny licked up inside her nose and then commenting on the rabbit's "pronounced nipples". Why? FML

#20848347
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42278) - you deserved it (3808)

On 08/21/2013 at 8:09pm - animals - by Jade (woman) - United States (California)



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