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August 2013

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Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

by pardon my English :$ / 08/09/2013 at 6:53pm / France / Work

Today, while baking, I was joined by my roommate who doesn't really cook. I was making a batch of dough and she volunteered to help. After showing her how to knead, she really got into it. Afterwards, I asked why she wanted to help. "It really cleans my nails", she said. FML

by 4_and_20_blackbits / 08/26/2013 at 4:38am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

by Suprise / 08/17/2013 at 12:38am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that when my crush leans in to kiss me, I get so nervous I throw up. Then throw up again thinking about how embarrassed I am. FML

by love-shot / 08/17/2013 at 4:24am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I was at the gym when I noticed a girl I like working out on the elliptical. I went to go say hi, but chickened out and went to run on the treadmill in front of her instead. I was so nervous that I tripped and the machine threw me headfirst into her machine. FML

by ZeroLuck / 08/15/2013 at 10:32pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2013 at 3:47pm / United States / Work

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

by seriously? / 08/23/2013 at 3:40am / Miscellaneous

Today, someone took my flatscreen TV at my garage sale because some kid snuck a "free" label onto it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2013 at 12:45pm / United States (Michigan) / Money

Today, I was trying to explain to my mom that I've been having panic attacks. I ended up having a panic attack from talking about having a panic attack. FML

by seriously? / 08/05/2013 at 1:11am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I got a steering wheel cover to stop my obsessive steering wheel picking. After putting it on, I realized it was crooked, causing me to have OCD fits every time I drive. I can still pick at the steering wheel around the cover. FML

by anonymous / 08/20/2013 at 3:08am / United States / Health

Today, my 70-year-old grandmother held a celebration over officially having divorced my grandfather. FML

by chickety boom / 08/02/2013 at 8:41am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

by Serum / 08/05/2013 at 12:41pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, my mom asked me, once again, if my girlfriend of almost a year is just a cover up for being gay. FML

by Zanovitch / 08/13/2013 at 4:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Love