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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

#20847854
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43351) - you deserved it (3045)

On 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm - work - by twatstick (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

#20844605
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40610) - you deserved it (3426)

On 08/19/2013 at 12:00pm - misc - by FamilyLoving - United States (New York)

Today, I found out yet another of my guy friends liked me. I posted that I just wanted a guy friend that had absolutely no romantic feelings for me. My crush volunteered. FML

#20842536
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31479) - you deserved it (61653)

On 08/18/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by fail - United States

Today, this weird kid in class asked me on a date. He claims to be a werewolf. His excuse for not being able to turn into one? A "rare disease." His excuse for everyone rejecting him? "Friend-zoning bitches." I was the last resort even for a jackoff "nice guy" werewolf. FML

#20829503
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37066) - you deserved it (3328)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by WHAT A NICE GUY YOU ARE, SIR SHITSPAWN!!!1! (woman) - United States

Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The Ring, and when the scene came on where the girl is crawling out of the TV, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

#20838885
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42888) - you deserved it (7709)

On 08/15/2013 at 3:56pm - misc - by insomniac x2 (woman) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)

Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML

#20860538
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44565) - you deserved it (3678)

On 08/30/2013 at 4:31pm - money - by -_- (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I received a phone call that started with, "Now stay calm... Your house is on fire." FML

#20834558
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46257) - you deserved it (2469)

On 08/12/2013 at 10:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I copied some files to my phone while borrowing my grandfather's laptop. As I selectively deleted the files from the recycle bin, I noticed some pictures, and ended up seeing way more than I wanted to of his erect penis. FML

#20829072
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43043) - you deserved it (9032)

On 08/09/2013 at 1:23pm - intimacy - by whyyjustwhy - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, I had an awful day and angrily threw a glass at the wall. Needless to say, I didn't feel like cleaning it up, and I took a nap, intending to do it later. I thought I would remember the bits of glass everywhere when I woke up. I didn't, but my feet soon did. FML

#20838843
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19827) - you deserved it (61389)

On 08/15/2013 at 3:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Otago)

Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML

#20838688
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35678) - you deserved it (11875)

On 08/15/2013 at 12:49pm - work - by kaynotentirelywrong (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my mom asked me, once again, if my girlfriend of almost a year is just a cover up for being gay. FML

#20835654
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42652) - you deserved it (3799)

On 08/13/2013 at 4:19pm - love - by Zanovitch - United States (Michigan)

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

#20825918
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45524) - you deserved it (3629)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:00pm - misc - by hardee fucking har yourself, sir (man) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

#20841179
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42027) - you deserved it (8165)

On 08/17/2013 at 12:38am - misc - by Suprise - United States



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