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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got fired from my job at an age care facility because I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf, blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." FML

#20842873
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48650) - you deserved it (2706)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:43am - work - by sweet23 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML

#20815318
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59285) - you deserved it (6549)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by countryblumpkin (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while working out in the gym, I spotted a very attractive girl. I decided to pick up the heaviest dumbbell to show off how much I could curl. She ended up driving me to the hospital because I burst into tears after tearing up my bicep and deltoid. FML

#20831608
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23261) - you deserved it (60644)

On 08/11/2013 at 12:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the very good-looking woman who sings for one of my favorite bands is actually a guy. FML

#20858850
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33513) - you deserved it (8119)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:07am - misc - by Pontiacman92 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML

#20819538
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48662) - you deserved it (4865)

On 08/03/2013 at 11:29pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, I went to get my hair done. The hairdresser managed to catch my eyebrow piercing in his comb and almost rip it out. I now look like I have a gunshot wound on the upper right hand side of my face. I'm getting married in a matter of hours, and I still had to pay £100 for the hair cut. FML

#20831030
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42071) - you deserved it (13414)

On 08/10/2013 at 5:55pm - misc - by ouchbrow (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML

#20841540
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57747) - you deserved it (6717)

On 08/17/2013 at 10:18am - love - by why - United States (Tennessee)

Today, half-way through my trip to Florida, I received a call from my friend of six years. "I sort of had sex with your girlfriend while you were gone." He said it "just sort of happened." FML

#20855295
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56272) - you deserved it (4071)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, in the middle of examining me, my gynecologist suddenly took a sharp intake of breath and vomited on the floor. FML

#20826932
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56530) - you deserved it (15927)

On 08/08/2013 at 7:10am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Latvia (Jelgavas)

Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML

#20838513
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49218) - you deserved it (3142)

On 08/15/2013 at 9:34am - work - by lawman (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, while cleaning my ears with Q-tips, I came in my pants. FML

#20835942
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48121) - you deserved it (17177)

On 08/13/2013 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by ANON (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML

#20832766
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49283) - you deserved it (5205)

On 08/11/2013 at 8:58pm - kids - by mydaughterisdisturbed - United States (Indiana)

Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML

#20837089
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55235) - you deserved it (5029)

On 08/14/2013 at 1:39pm - misc - by NewBride (woman) - United States (Nebraska)



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