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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML

#20824490
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41589) - you deserved it (3668) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/06/2013 at 5:59pm - health - by pong - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML

#20823799
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47156) - you deserved it (6116)

On 08/06/2013 at 1:01pm - misc - by stillembarrassed (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got to watch how easy it is to break into my flat, after I locked myself out and went to my neighbour for help. He used a blunt pencil. FML

Today, after swimming in the pool, I went into the shower. Little did I know that my niece was hiding in there. She excitedly yelled "I saw your boobs!" Now my nephew won't stop crying because he didn't get to see them as well. FML

#20831181
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50224) - you deserved it (3978)

On 08/10/2013 at 8:04pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, after spending the weekend together, my ex turned nasty. I finally had the balls to tell him what a cruel asshole I think he is and really hit him where it hurts. I felt very empowered and strong. That is, until I realized I left my favourite and rather expensive jacket in his apartment. FML

#20854612
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37953) - you deserved it (15132)

On 08/26/2013 at 12:52am - love - by scorned_jacketless_lady (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after an argument with my wife, I stormed out of our bedroom through the sliding doors to the balcony. Only there was no balcony, because it still hasn't been replaced yet. I'm now laid-up in hospital. FML

#20843350
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38302) - you deserved it (15070)

On 08/18/2013 at 4:13pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML

#20854169
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37766) - you deserved it (3272)

On 08/25/2013 at 8:10pm - misc - by etgohome (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was formally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. My mom saw this as an excuse to make me clean the whole house top to bottom, because "Hey, you love to clean." FML

#20855277
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42631) - you deserved it (3429)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:05pm - misc - by ocdistheworst (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my dad writes really weird and scary slash fiction involving characters from all of the CSI TV show franchises. FML

#20836611
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32749) - you deserved it (3476)

On 08/14/2013 at 2:41am - misc - by HoratioNo (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend texted me "I think we should move in". Then, ten seconds later she sent another text that said, "Sorry, typo. Move on". FML

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

#20835321
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47312) - you deserved it (3837)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:07pm - love - by hairless by death - United States (California)

Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML

#20815079
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43658) - you deserved it (5173)

On 08/01/2013 at 10:46am - misc - by fuckoffgran (woman) - Ireland

Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML

#20814477
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49925) - you deserved it (3689)

On 08/01/2013 at 12:03am - kids - by ktiskool (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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