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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a customer pulled a knife on me after I informed him that we'd run out of avocados to put on his pizza. FML

#20815101
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48478) - you deserved it (3522)

On 08/01/2013 at 11:18am - work - by are these people even HUMAN? (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML

#20841455
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46105) - you deserved it (7512)

On 08/17/2013 at 6:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML

#20854169
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38699) - you deserved it (3355)

On 08/25/2013 at 8:10pm - misc - by etgohome (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I'm watching a TV show about horrible germs in hotel rooms that you can catch from a bed... while I am stuck in a hotel room... on the bed. FML

#20851748
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39400) - you deserved it (7504)

On 08/24/2013 at 1:28am - health - by HannahBretts - United States (California)

Today, I actually had to explain to my husband why his habit of wiping his boogers off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML

#20859193
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44302) - you deserved it (3402)

On 08/29/2013 at 12:26pm - misc - by grossedout (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML

#20823799
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47273) - you deserved it (6128)

On 08/06/2013 at 1:01pm - misc - by stillembarrassed (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML

#20824490
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41701) - you deserved it (3673) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/06/2013 at 5:59pm - health - by pong - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, after swimming in the pool, I went into the shower. Little did I know that my niece was hiding in there. She excitedly yelled "I saw your boobs!" Now my nephew won't stop crying because he didn't get to see them as well. FML

#20831181
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51404) - you deserved it (4077)

On 08/10/2013 at 8:04pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I got to watch how easy it is to break into my flat, after I locked myself out and went to my neighbour for help. He used a blunt pencil. FML

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend and my close family, who were all ecstatic. Then he told his mother. Her reaction? "It better come out looking like him." FML

Today, I was formally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. My mom saw this as an excuse to make me clean the whole house top to bottom, because "Hey, you love to clean." FML

#20855277
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42740) - you deserved it (3439)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:05pm - misc - by ocdistheworst (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after spending the weekend together, my ex turned nasty. I finally had the balls to tell him what a cruel asshole I think he is and really hit him where it hurts. I felt very empowered and strong. That is, until I realized I left my favourite and rather expensive jacket in his apartment. FML

#20854612
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38737) - you deserved it (15384)

On 08/26/2013 at 12:52am - love - by scorned_jacketless_lady (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out that my dad writes really weird and scary slash fiction involving characters from all of the CSI TV show franchises. FML

#20836611
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32850) - you deserved it (3486)

On 08/14/2013 at 2:41am - misc - by HoratioNo (man) - United States (California)



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