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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML

#20834187
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38430) - you deserved it (7381)

On 08/12/2013 at 6:47pm - misc - by wildwonder808 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML

#20823903
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57692) - you deserved it (4395)

On 08/06/2013 at 2:07pm - kids - by benjo - United States

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

#20830594
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42131) - you deserved it (4894)

On 08/10/2013 at 11:23am - health - by Oh-Shit! - United States

Today, I found the carcass of the frog that got into my house last week. It was a horrifying sight, but not nearly as horrifying as the fact that I found it in my refrigerator. No, I don't know how it got in there either. FML

#20828988
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40604) - you deserved it (3302)

On 08/09/2013 at 12:15pm - animals - by W...T...F (woman) - United States

Today, my elderly neighbour was having some kind of house party. It was incredibly loud, so I went and asked if he could tone it down a little. He responded by grabbing a deck chair, smacking me with it, then chasing me back to my house, all while his guests cheered him on. FML

#20840549
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42145) - you deserved it (7051)

On 08/16/2013 at 4:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland

Today, I moved into my new place. It evidently used to belong to a hooker, because although I've only lived here for 9 hours, so far several different men have knocked on my door and asked if "Stephanie" is available for a good time. FML

#20861348
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44771) - you deserved it (2805)

On 08/31/2013 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Redbridge)

Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML

#20821459
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36154) - you deserved it (16337)

On 08/05/2013 at 1:28am - animals - by fetch boy.. - United States (New York)

Today, a customer pulled a knife on me after I informed him that we'd run out of avocados to put on his pizza. FML

#20815101
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46641) - you deserved it (3365)

On 08/01/2013 at 11:18am - work - by are these people even HUMAN? (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML

#20830944
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50888) - you deserved it (3400)

On 08/10/2013 at 4:56pm - kids - by rachel (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I'm watching a TV show about horrible germs in hotel rooms that you can catch from a bed... while I am stuck in a hotel room... on the bed. FML

#20851748
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37744) - you deserved it (7225)

On 08/24/2013 at 1:28am - health - by HannahBretts - United States (California)

Today, after I had watched a few videos of myself, I realized the sound of my own voice is the single most annoying thing I have ever heard. FML

#20847659
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43836) - you deserved it (5252)

On 08/21/2013 at 10:08am - misc - by shut_up (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML

#20841455
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45990) - you deserved it (7502)

On 08/17/2013 at 6:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I actually had to explain to my husband why his habit of wiping his boogers off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML

#20859193
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42997) - you deserved it (3300)

On 08/29/2013 at 12:26pm - misc - by grossedout (woman) - United States (New York)



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