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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML

#20860218
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22226) - you deserved it (32152) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/30/2013 at 6:59am - misc - by Anonyme (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML

#20823062
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55530) - you deserved it (4323)

On 08/06/2013 at 12:11am - health - by mcdonalds - United States

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

#20814602
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54952) - you deserved it (4535)

On 08/01/2013 at 1:10am - intimacy - by confused_girl (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend gave me the painting he had been working on. It was a heart with wings, my name, and the date we started dating. We have been dating for almost a year and a half. He misspelled my name. FML

#20854112
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41456) - you deserved it (4562)

On 08/25/2013 at 7:30pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, my dog was riding my car's passenger seat. He clambered over onto my lap, causing me to lose control of the wheel for a few seconds. As I tried to knock him off me, I lost track of my speed, and ended up being pulled over for reckless driving. FML

#20840431
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23632) - you deserved it (40138)

On 08/16/2013 at 2:41pm - animals - by fUcKOAHdSAjl (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once, twice. FML

Today, I got rejected for a job because they claimed I faked my entire resume. Their excuse? I'm too pretty to be smart. FML

#20848570
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48670) - you deserved it (4309)

On 08/21/2013 at 10:45pm - work - by baconbxtch (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to give my husband a striptease for his birthday. I wound up tripping over my own panties and nearly dislocating my shoulder. FML

#20815680
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42221) - you deserved it (8577)

On 08/01/2013 at 6:29pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, my OCD manager sprayed my hands with chemicals because I touched the bin while throwing away a piece of paper. My hands are now covered in itchy, unattractive rashes. FML

#20833453
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38440) - you deserved it (2805)

On 08/12/2013 at 7:19am - work - by nearly a crazy lady - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML

#20858152
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38854) - you deserved it (2738)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

#20858245
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56014) - you deserved it (4431)

On 08/28/2013 at 6:35pm - love - by Thanks everyone (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

#20857818
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49678) - you deserved it (9275)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, like every day for the past 6 months, I got a call from the same telemarketers. I've been ignoring the calls, so now they've started leaving me voicemails. I can't get rid of the annoying voicemail icon on my phone without making a call, so I have to pay to listen to their offers. FML



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