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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML

#20817380
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50434) - you deserved it (5074)

On 08/02/2013 at 5:34pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML

#20835369
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50153) - you deserved it (5100)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was yelled at once again for being in the school gym without a coach present. I am the coach. FML

Today, my neighbor's daughter started learning how to play the trombone. FML

#20857611
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41697) - you deserved it (4914)

On 08/28/2013 at 6:33am - kids - by Alice (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my fiancé told me he wished he never met me and that he wished I didn't exist. Our wedding is next week. FML

#20819957
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51039) - you deserved it (4985)

On 08/04/2013 at 4:37am - love - by uniannonymous - United Kingdom (Merton)

Today, after learning that my wife has been cheating on me, I decided to distract myself by playing The Sims. Not long after I began, my Sim's wife basically started cheating on him. FML

#20816365
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55162) - you deserved it (5844)

On 08/02/2013 at 1:03am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for no real reason via text message. A few hours later, she updated her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." Her new "boyfriend"? Her cat. A mutual friend commented, "Well, he's better than that idiot you had before." FML

#20816836
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51830) - you deserved it (5666)

On 08/02/2013 at 10:53am - love - by tkghan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML

#20849199
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40425) - you deserved it (12818)

On 08/22/2013 at 10:48am - misc - by Baustigt - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my mother bitched me out for filing divorce papers against my abusive husband. According to her, it's a "slap in God's face". She's the one who's divorced two husbands so far because they weren't getting job promotions fast enough to support her hoarding habit. FML

#20852500
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47856) - you deserved it (2554)

On 08/24/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I stopped at a red light, when I noticed the car in front of me was in reverse. I honked at the driver, hoping he'd realize and place the car in drive. He thought the light turned green and immediately backed into me. FML

#20828404
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46935) - you deserved it (5889)

On 08/09/2013 at 1:00am - misc - by please don't back that thing up - United States

Today, while at a concert, my boyfriend got mad and jealous because I kept looking at the singer instead of him. He still won't talk to me. FML

#20834941
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49527) - you deserved it (6234)

On 08/13/2013 at 2:58am - love - by really? - United States

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

#20818899
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55878) - you deserved it (8333)

On 08/03/2013 at 4:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Portugal

Today, my house was broken into. After we called the police, my dad started calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop. FML



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