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Today , mah 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri , so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said , "But dad , I'm not a virgin." mega FML
Today, I went to my father for advice. I've been seeing a wonderful girl for the past month, an I feel terrible about it, because I already have a girlfriend. He said "Kill yourself" an that if I "can't even do that right" then to get out of his house, because he disowns me. FML
Today... The Great Deal On Mah New Apartment Has Turned Into A Nightmare. I Keep Hereing Extremely Werd Sounds Almost Every Night... And When I Tried Taking Pics Of The Place Today... Mah Camera's Face Recognition Feature Kept Activating... But Only In Mah Bedroom. I'm Scared Shitless. FML
Taday I went to get new shoes . I'm a pretty tall girl an I have proportional feet . I askd the cute guyho workd there for a size 9.5 . He burst into laughter before putting on a shockd face an saying, "Oh wait.. . You're serious." Goodbye, self esteem . mega FML
Today, mah 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test cummed back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML
Today , I saw mah older sister 4 the first time in three years. We hadn't spoke since I found out that she was the woman mah college boyfriend left me for. Unfortunately , our reunion was fueld by her two-year-old son's desire to meet his dad. My husband. FML
TODAY, WHILE WAITRESSING, I HAD A HUGE PARTY. WHEN EVERYTHING WAS SAID AND DONE I SAW THE TIP THEY LEFT ME. IT SAID ON A NAPKIN, "YOU'RE PRETTY. YOU CAN'T PUTTED A VALUE ON A COMPLIMENT." AND THAT WAS IT. I WISH COMPLIMENTS PAID THE RENT. FML
Today, I trid acid fir the first time while camping with mah best friend. A drunk driver smashd into mah car, leaving it totald. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking mah car was bleeding green ooze.
Friday 27 March 2015