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July 2013

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Today, I baked strawberry muffins for my family, putting half a strawberry on each of them. Only when it was too late did I realize that they looked like extremely creepy breasts. FML

by muffin / 07/16/2013 at 8:01am / Austria / Miscellaneous

Today, I told the guy I liked about my crush on him. He said he would keep me in mind if he ever hits rock bottom. FML

by hannahisacooler / 07/16/2013 at 7:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, while walking into a hotel room, I passed by a full-sized mirror. My reflection scared me so badly that I punched the mirror, which then shattered and resulted in several cuts to my hand. FML

by igotsbadluck / 07/17/2013 at 5:44pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation

Today, I was using the urinal when another guy came in. His friends decided to scare him while he was using the urinal next to mine. They jumped out at him, he turned around and ended up peeing all over me. FML

by the unfortunate man / 07/19/2013 at 12:29am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered "Fuck it" and left. FML

by Anonycunt / 07/27/2013 at 12:30pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Love

Today, I was at a piano lesson playing a song I had worked very hard to make perfect. Halfway through, my teacher abruptly stops me and asks, "Did you notice that I rearranged the furniture?" FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2013 at 2:52am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML

by good big sister? / 07/02/2013 at 1:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I came home from a long shift at work to find that my roommate had completely rearranged all of the furniture. Apparently the new arrangement is supposed to improve the feng shui of our apartment. My bed is in the living room. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2013 at 8:00pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, while jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The guy got away. FML

by anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 2:11am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML

by anonymous / 07/14/2013 at 9:07pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I've been bedridden for the past two weeks. My boyfriend casually remarked that he understands now why some people cheat on their seriously-ill partners. Thanks for adding to the stress, sweetie. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2013 at 2:30pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Love

Today, I received some unwanted anal sex tips. They were unwanted because I'm not into anal sex, and the tips came from my drunk mom. FML

by moms know best??? / 07/27/2013 at 5:41pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, a guy on the bus was nice enough to slide over so I could sit down. Right after, he said, "Fair warning though, I just farted there." FML

by Wakachulak / 07/30/2013 at 1:55am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.