Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

#20790784
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39175) - you deserved it (10674)

On 07/18/2013 at 4:53pm - health - by broken finger (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59496) - you deserved it (20985)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found my cat dead on the road. I called my family and told them, and later buried the cat. Not long after I got done burying it, my cat walked up to me. I buried someone else's cat. FML

#20757856
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47871) - you deserved it (9967)

On 07/01/2013 at 12:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I found out that when I text my boyfriend, he isn't the one to read them. Instead, he pays his friend to "keep the bitch busy." FML

#20813368
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59884) - you deserved it (6351)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:49pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

#20774058
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57825) - you deserved it (5233)

On 07/10/2013 at 10:18am - love - by Paige (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

#20809292
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61271) - you deserved it (9118)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52866) - you deserved it (9142)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

#20767253
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52935) - you deserved it (9435)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:45pm - money - by juliearis (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

#20802578
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50329) - you deserved it (3583)

On 07/25/2013 at 6:55am - misc - by chumpslolo - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

#20808604
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60234) - you deserved it (8961)

On 07/28/2013 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I watched my boyfriend flirt with a cashier and write down his number for her, through the liquor store window, while I sat in the car waiting for him to finish buying things for our "romantic movie night." FML

Today, my girlfriend of over four years cheated on me in revenge for me abandoning our date last night. I'm a surgeon on call at the local hospital. FML

#20780398
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60924) - you deserved it (3661)

On 07/13/2013 at 5:39pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

#20799228
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59985) - you deserved it (7814)

On 07/23/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by GiantsFan13 - United States (Colorado)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: